


I built your walls around me (then I tore them down)

by Une_fleur_ma_dit



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, Mutual Pining, Pining, Post-War, Smut, i guess, smut with feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-18
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:34:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 25,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24258976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Une_fleur_ma_dit/pseuds/Une_fleur_ma_dit
Summary: ''Naruto experiences his second panic attack when he sees Kakashi-sensei being moulded into a very solid and very rocky cave wall'' or just two souls finding one another
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi & Uzumaki Naruto, Hatake Kakashi/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 189
Kudos: 505





	1. Breathe through me

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! 
> 
> This work is un-betaed and first language is French so I appreciate constructive criticism.
> 
> This is post-war, but also Kakashi didn't become Hokage, I just like writing with these dynamics.
> 
> Hope you enjoy :)

Naruto experiences his second panic attack when he sees Kakashi-sensei being _moulded_ into a very solid and very rocky cave wall.

When Pakkun shows up in the Godaime’s office with a request for back up ASAP and disturbing information about the opponent’s abilities, Tsunade wastes no time in gathering a unit to retrieve the Copy-nin.

‘’He’s this way,’’ Pakkun urges as he crosses a stream, Naruto, Sakura and Yamato hot on his heels.

 _What was he doing alone, what was he doing alone?_ Naruto runs angrily after the ninken, the words an endless staccato in his buzzing mind.

They approach the cave cautiously, taking heed of traps and unwelcome surprises. While Pakkun sniffs the air, Naruto scans the area anxiously for his sensei’s chakra.

‘’I don’t smell the enemy anymore,’’ Pakkun says, nose twitching.

Naruto feels like there’s a hard-boiled egg stuck in his throat. ‘’I can’t feel much of Kakashi sensei’s chakra either.’’

He looks resolutely at the entry of the cave but he can feel Sakura’s worried eyes on him. He finally takes a deep breath, the earthy perfume of the forest and the sage mode helping to clear his head.

Yamato crawls to their sides. ‘’Remember, the ninja Kakashi was chasing has the ability to turn his body into stone.’’ They both nod. ‘’Let’s go.’’

***

Naruto blinks into the semi-darkness, his vision quickly adjusting after the brightness of the sun. There’s something disturbingly _still_ in the remaining chakra of his sensei but he clings to the fact that Pakkun hasn’t vanished. Yet.

‘’What’s that?” Sakura’s trembling voice draws his attention to the wall on his left.

What he first took for the relief of the cave wall is in fact…

‘’Are those human faces?’’ Sakura’s horrified whisper sends chills down his spine.

A deafening silence answers her, dozens of stony eyes contemplating them. Fear washes over Naruto.

‘’Let’s find Kakashi-sensei, now! He bolts in the direction of the flickering chakra, caution thrown to the wind, the fire of the fox hot in his belly. All he knows is that Pakkun has gone and that his sensei is dying.

***

He finds him. Battered and bloodied and being sucked into the rock of the wall but he finds him.

‘’Kakashi-sensei!’’

There’s definitely more than a hard-boiled egg in his throat now.

A calm grey eye focuses on him.

The fact that Kakashi’s mask has been partially ripped off and that half his face is now exposed is disturbing Naruto almost more than anything else. His left hand acts on its own. He quickly puts the hanging cloth back into place, fingertips grazing bruised lips before settling on the corner of his sensei’s jaw.

‘’Sakura-chan’s coming.’’ he speaks low, as if afraid to blow away the last of Kakashi’s life-force.

The grey eye closes again.

‘’Maa, what a long day.’’ The words are slow and hoarse but Naruto hangs on them like a shipwrecked sailor to a floating board.

‘’Don’t worry, don’t worry, Sakura-chan’s coming.’’ he repeats over and over again, the hand holding the mask in place trembling slightly.

Neither comment on the fact that the rock has claimed most of his sensei’s legs and arms and is now working its way to his abdomen and torso, half of it already gone. 

‘’Sakura-chan’s coming, Sakura-chan’s coming.’’

The air in the chamber of the cave is cool and damp but he can feel a trickle of sweat run down his back. The muscles between his shoulder blades are burning, aching to punch that rock and reduce it to sand. Except that he can’t feel where his sensei ends and where the rock begins. Eyes locked on Kakashi’s face and ears strained behind him, Naruto grabs the jounin’s jacket at the neck, as if to prevent his body from moving further in.

‘’Sakura-chan’s coming, Sakura-chan’s coming.’’

He has a brief moment of panic where he lets his head hang, eyes squeezed shut and fist tightening on the jounin’s vest.

_Please don’t go. Not again._

And then he can’t speak, because it’s as if the rock is oppressing his own chest, breathing gone wild and out of his control.

‘’Naruto.’’

Kakashi’s voice. This is Kakashi’s voice. He lifts his head again, blue eyes boring into grey ones.

‘’Breathe in.’’ Quietly.

His lungs are burning and there’s not enough air...

‘’Breathe out.’’

His screws his eyes shut, fear and pain clawing at his insides. 

‘’Look at me. Breathe in, count to five.’’

_One, two, three, four, five._

‘’Breathe out.’’

_One, two, three, four, five._

‘’Breathe in.’’

_One, two, three, four, five._

‘’You’re doing great. Breathe out.’’

_One, two, three, four, five._

Kakashi’s eyes become Naruto’s whole universe, a thousand specks of greys dancing together until he can’t see anything else, can’t do anything else but breathe in (one, two, three, four five) and out (one, two, three, four, five). The pain in his chest eases.

Those eyes are anchoring him. Those eyes that usually reflect either boredom or killing intent. Eyes the color of the sky before the lightning strikes. 

Naruto didn’t know that someone’s eyes could fill him with so much warmth.

_One, two, three, four, five._

He reaffirms his hold on the vest and _pulls_ , letting his forehead rest against the jounin’s with a sigh. He feels tired but calm, like he’s floating, like he’s going into sage mode but with another kind of stillness. His chest moves in time with the other ninja’s, fear and pain kept at bay for now. The cheek under his left palm stretches. The grey eyes are smiling.

Then there are hands on his shoulders and Yamato and Sakura are on his sides, breathing hard. The next moments are a blur. Yamato pries Naruto away from Kakashi skillfully while Sakura greets their sensei as if it were any other day, already at work. 

‘’This is bad,’’ she says finally, sweat shining on her forehead, eyebrows pinched in a frown.

She converses quickly with Yamato about cells and cardiac vessels and morphing and Naruto doesn’t understand a thing other than it’s bad.

‘’Can you fix him, Sakura-chan?’’ Naruto’s voice is back, but he has a feeling that the rest of him isn’t doing so well. ‘’Can you fix him?’’

‘’I’m going to need help.’’ She bit her lips. ‘’I think it would be wise for Tsunade-sama to come down here.’’

So it _is_ bad.

‘’I can hear you, you know? Not dead yet,’’ Kakashi drawls, eyes still closed.

Naruto doesn’t know if he wants to throttle the guy or… yeah, throttling sounds pretty good. One thing that has applied to Naruto in almost every situation of almost all of his life is that action often brings resolution, so he wastes no time in creating a shadow clone.

‘’Yosh, Baa-chan will be here before we know it.’’

Yamato’s lips are forming a tight line but Sakura’s hands glow reassuringly over their sensei’s body as they wait for the Godaime. Naruto’s clones are patrolling outside.

Kakashi-sensei’s breathing becomes ragged.

Naruto starts counting.

***

Naruto is on the squad that has for mission to retrieve the missing-nin that almost turned Kakashi-sensei into a monument. By the end of it, there’s nothing left. Only sand and dust being crushed into Naruto’s hands and then thrown to the howling wind. Inside the young man, the fox cries with a savage joy and red fades into blue.

Naruto is still shaking with contained rage when they make it back to the village. Tsunade takes one look at him and orders two weeks of rest. He heads for the training grounds as soon as they’re dismissed, red sweeping the blue once more. Sakura waits for the worst of it to pass before joining in. 

The stars are bright by the time they flop down on their backs. Sakura’s face is a bit swollen but she’s still beautiful -at least to Naruto. He takes her hand and squeezes reassuringly. She squeezes back. They smile. They laugh. They laugh until their bruised ribs ache, until the stars are swimming flashes of hot white light behind their lids.

He doesn’t go home directly. He stops by the hospital, favors one particular window over the door.

‘’Hey.’’

Kakashi’s awake, _Icha Icha_ open in one hand, but not reading.

‘’Hey,’’ Naruto answers back, perched on the frame of the window. He slips into the room silently in spite of his aching body, not really wanting to alert the nurse on the night shift.

Naruto gives his sensei a quick once over, heart clenching just a tad less painfully than five days ago. ‘’Heard you were awake.’’

‘’Mmm mmm? Says who?’’ Kakashi’s voice is a bit hoarse, but other than that nothing out of the ordinary suggests that he was turning into a rock a mere week ago.

Naruto makes himself comfortable in the corner chair, not caring one bit about his less than fresh state and the condition of the furniture. 

‘’Says the light at your window,’’ he returns with a foxy grin.

Kakashi scoffs.

They settle into an easy silence. Naruto plucks dried dirt -or blood- from his clothes absent-mindedly. Kakashi strokes the spine of _Icha Icha_ with a contemplative look on his face. They both turn their head toward the corridor when the steps of the nurse resonate. Kakashi turns off his bedside lamp before the steps can reach his door.

Naruto resumes his plucking. Kakashi isn’t stroking the spine of _Icha Icha_ anymore. 

‘’I’m glad you’re ok.’’

Naruto glances up. Kakashi’s hair is a brilliant mirror of the moon but his face is cast in the shadows. Naruto isn’t sure if he’s referring to his tiny breakdown in the cave or to the accidental elimination of the rock-nin.

‘’Me too,’’ he says anyways, because he’s not talking about himself.

He has a feeling Kakashi knows.

Kurama curls on himself with content, snout hidden under his tails.

***

Kakashi is recovering slowly.

_(‘’Maa, turning into rock does that to you, I guess’’ he counters when Gai complains about the lack of youth in his rival.)_

Naruto is… thinking. He wears a thoughtful look, which in itself is alarming to a lot of his friends. He goes by the river often. Sits alone. Thinks.

He trains, he visits Kakashi-sensei with Sakura and Sai. He’s quieter than usual.

He doesn’t react when Tsunade judges Kakashi-sensei strong enough for some scolding.

_(‘’ If you wanted your damn face on the damn wall you just could’ve just said so!’’)_

He looks at Kakashi with wondering eyes, as if his sensei is holding the greatest mystery known to man.

One morning Naruto wakes up, sits on his bed, takes Team 7’s picture.

There’s only the tickling of his clock and the chirping of the birds to fill the silence. Eventually, voices in the street join in. The sun is high when he finally sets the picture aside. He shakes his head, like an animal trying to chase a particularly persistent fly.

Kurama taps the tip of a claw on the floor rhythmically, harrumphs impatient and deafening in the young man’s mind.

‘’Shut up,’’ he mumbles before shaking his head once more. 

Kurama is not impressed when the boy smacks his own cheeks rather violently. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naruto doesn’t see Kakashi-sensei for the remainder of his time off. He eats ramen with Iruka, meditates, trains, plays shougy with Shikamaru, goes to yakiniku with his friends, buys vegetables – he tries. He purposefully goes to Tsunade to request a mission two days before the two weeks are up. She refuses. She tries to bury him under a ton of paperwork. He refuses.  
> He goes fishing. Trains harder. Cuts a carrot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 2 folks!  
> This is still un-betaed and first language is still French so I'm sorry for any mistake.  
> Also I'll be adding the chapter's titles little by little  
> Thanks for reading! :)

Naruto doesn’t see Kakashi-sensei for the remainder of his time off. He eats ramen with Iruka, meditates, trains, plays shougy with Shikamaru, goes to yakiniku with his friends, buys vegetables – he tries. He purposefully goes to Tsunade to request a mission two days before the two weeks are up. She refuses. She tries to bury him under a ton of paperwork. He refuses.

He goes fishing. Trains harder. Cuts a carrot.

***

He goes on a mission in Suna for another two weeks with Shikamaru and Iruka to help further develop their ninja training program. Naruto has a feeling Tsunade has sent him on the first mission at hand that morning, but Naruto isn’t complaining. He gets to travel with Iruka and spend time with Gaara. He also has a serious pep talk with himself. 

When he gets back, the permanent tension has left his shoulders and he smiles easily at the villagers. He helps Tsunade a bit with the paperwork. 

***

Naruto wakes up with a tap at his window. He opens a bleary eye, face half buried in his pillow.

Kakashi-sensei is crouched on the other side of the glass, eyes shut in that Kakashi smile and hand lifted in a wave.

Naruto groans, doesn’t get up but stretches a leg to slide the window open.

‘’Yo!’’

His sensei looks far too chirpy for that time in the morning.

‘’Wha’ time’s it?’’ Naruto half mumbles, repositioning himself on his bed.

Kakashi looks at the still very grey sky, a finger to his chin.

‘’Mmm, a bit past four.’’

Naruto immediately buries himself deeper into the pillow and faces the other way.

‘’Too early. Go ‘way.’’

There’s a moment of silence before he feels the weight of a body land on the mattress between his feet. He pushes irritably against a thigh but a gloved hand closes deftly around his ankle.

‘’Naruto, come train with me.’’

Naruto cracks an eye open. Unbelievable.

‘’Go bother Gai-sensei, ‘m sure he’s already training.’’

He tries to shove the jounin off with his other foot but a considerable weight settles on the back of his bare legs.

‘Can’t do, he’s gone on a mission.’’

Naruto burrows further into his bed with a groan. The fact that Gai-sensei’s in a wheelchair has obviously escaped his mind. Kakashi-sensei pokes him in the ribs.

‘’I brought breakfast.’’

***

Half an hour later, a slightly more awake and onigiri-munching Naruto sets foot on the training grounds. The trees are lost in a sea of thick fog and Naruto’s damp clothes stick to him like a second skin. He discards his orange jacket and lets the chill of the morning lick at his bare arms. He yawns, stretches with delight. The adrenaline of the upcoming fight has him bouncing on the ball of his feet and blood rushing to his ears. He’s now completely awake. He shoves the last of the onigiri in his mouth, waits for Kakashi-sensei to set his weathered travel bag against a rock.

‘’How do you want to do this?’’

Kakashi-sensei toys with a kunai in a swirling motion.

‘’No bijuu mode, I’m still not up for that. Just a light spar to begin with. Also…’’

Naruto tilts his head at the change of tone.

‘’I’ve been expressly instructed not to use ninjutsu for a while,’’ Kakashi-sensei finishes with gritted teeth.

Naruto grins. ‘’Got it, old man.’’

Kakashi-sensei’s sharp gaze meets his and Naruto draws his own kunai just in time.

It’s been a while since Naruto has fought against the jounin. They fall into a familiar rhythm of give and take, condensation dotting their hair, their cheeks -

_(Fingertips grazing bruised lips before settling on the corner of his sensei’s jaw.)_

The edge of Naruto’s kunai slides against Kakashi’s momentarily and he feels a stinging answer above his collar bone. His sensei arches a silver eyebrow, a silent question in the air, but Naruto gains his footing back and a few well-placed jabs force his sensei into a defensive mode. The sun is rising and the now-thinning fog barely clings to the ground. Naruto is breathing hard and a bubbling laugh escapes him as he dodges a particularly vicious kick aimed at his head. His own punch to the liver hits home and earns him a satisfying, if not pained groan. The jounin falls back, chest heaving. Naruto is pleased to see he’s not the only one breaking a sweat. He swipes at his bloodied chin, grinning like a madman.

‘’Having fun?’’ Kakashi pants.

His hair looks twisted and wild and there’s a fierce gleam in his eyes. Naruto knows he’s having the time of his life.

Kurama slits an eye open, black lips stretching over razor-sharp fangs in a silent laugh. 

*** 

The blue of the sky is so deep it makes Naruto want to reach up and fly. That is, if he can move at all. The grass is prickling at his bare back, black shirt flung carelessly over a branch to dry. He’s toying with the idea of crawling to the river a few hundreds feet ahead to soothe his recent bruises and cuts or letting Kurama do all the work. Before he can come to a decision, a cool touch to his shoulder has Naruto turning his head and squinting at the jouning over him. There’s a bottle of fresh water pressed to his flushed cheek and Naruto grabs it gratefully. 

‘’Why did you want to train this early?’’ he asks as he sits up to take a large swig of the blissfully cold bottle.

The silver-haired man plops down next to him, toys with the front of his jounin vest before slipping it over his head in one swift movement.

‘’I might not have looked like it but after a month of being bedridden I was ready to crawl out of my skin,’’ he says, rolling up his sleeves on pale forearms.

A playful smile tugs at Naruto’s lips.

‘’ _Icha Icha_ too boring for you?’’

He rolls on the grass and catches the apple thrown his way with a booming laugh. This is new. The baiting, the teasing. Kakashi-sensei is still slouched a few feet from him, but there’s a mischievous air to him and he looks almost… relaxed. Happy. Naruto is taken aback at the unexpected realization. Something tender and warm settles around his solar plexus.

He can’t help but stare as a bead of sweat drops from the jounin’s darkened hairline to land on his cheekbone and vanish behind the line of his mask. 

He takes a bite of the apple to distract himself.

***

Naruto is summoned to the Hokage’s office bright and early the next morning. Kakashi-sensei’s already there, _Icha Icha_ in one hand. They exchange a brief look when they learn they’re going to assist a family in the rebuilding of their farm, just East of the village. Naruto knows this is probably to help Kakashi-sensei get back into shape but he can’t help reminisce about Team 7’s first missions. Naruto hasn’t seen or heard of Sasuke in a while. He wonders if Sakura’s had any more luck.

‘’Want to make a quick stop by the hospital before we leave?’’ Kakashi-sensei asks with a sidelong glance when they reach the street.

The surprise makes Naruto stop dead in his tracks. He doesn’t register the small kid that runs straight into him as he locks eyes as big as saucers on his sensei.

Kakashi closes his book with a snap, gives the blond his usual deadpanned look.

‘’I’ll wait for you at the doors. Don’t bring lunch.’’

***

They don’t talk much during their mission. As soon as they get to the farm, Kakashi-sensei gets wrested away by the wife toward the barn and Naruto’s put in charge of the side of the house that has all but collapsed.

‘’A lost projectile from the War, you know. Luckily the bedrooms are on the other side,’’ the farmer explains with an overenthusiastic slap to Naruto’s shoulder.

Naruto learns to send a clone for any close interaction with their client. At noon he meets up with Kakashi-sensei for a quick meal in the refreshingly cool shades of a few leafy apple trees. If Kakashi smells a bit like a cow, Naruto doesn’t comment on it but Kurama certainly does. He also points out that not so long ago the young man would’ve taken great pleasure in shouting it at the top of his lungs for the whole world to know. They argue for the rest of the lunch.

‘’Something you’d like to share?’’ Kakashi inquires drowsily from where he’s laying, _Icha Icha_ resting on his face.

Naruto glares ineffectively at the fox, who’s howling with laughter.

‘’Nop,’’ he answers simply trough clenched teeth.

***

When they get back to the village that evening, Naruto has a sore back and his hands are full of splinters. Still, he has to quell his disappointment when the jounin turns down his invitation for ramen after they hand in their report.

‘’Sorry, I have other plans.’’

‘’What other plans?’’ Naruto blurts out a bit too quickly.

Kakashi-sensei puts his hands in his pockets.

‘’Well, for one, a shower,’’ he answers with a pointed look -Naruto blushes. ‘’And two…’’

The jounin tilts his head, then shrugs.

‘’Maa, I guess you could call it a family matter.’’

Naruto opens his mouth, but then closes it again before he can say anything insensitive like how one actually needs a family to address family matters.

‘Got it, have a good night,’’ he settles for instead.

There must be something in his voice that gives him away because Kakashi-sensei, who has begun to turn away, halts his movement.

‘’Is everything ok, Naruto?’’ he asks surprisingly gently.

 _(He reaffirms his hold on the vest and_ pulls _, letting his forehead rest against the jounin’s with a sigh.)_

And Naruto _yearns_.

Well damn.

_Now would be a good time to tell your teacher you have a crush on him, kid._

Naruto clenches his fists and swallows. He’s not dumb. Well not so much. He knows he’s attracted to the silver-haired jounin. He also knows he might not be supposed to feel the way he feels about him.

There’s a touch at his elbow.

Kakashi-sensei is now very close and looking at him with obvious concern, his brow furrowed, and it’s bad. It’s bad because Naruto wants to do something that will surely cost him the friendship of one of the people he esteems the most, cow smell or not.

He’s one step away from doing either the worst or the best mistake of his life when –

‘’Oh hey, Kakashi! My rival!’’

\- he takes a step back and lets the words die on his lips.

A green arm wraps itself around the annoyed-looking jounin’s waist, followed by an equally green body.

Naruto forces a bright smile.

‘’Hey, Gai-sensei! Back already?’’

Gai’s teeth flash white in a blinding smile.

‘’Of course! I’ll always be back to challenge my greatest rival!’’

Naruto half-listens as the green-clad ninja tries to coax Kakashi into their next contest. His smile falters.

‘’I have to go. I’ll see you around.’’

He faintly feels Kakashi trying to grab at his back before he dashes to the nearby rooftop. He picks up a faint ‘’Kakashi, what’s up with the pup?’’ and a growl surges, low in his throat.

If the roof tiles cave in a little as he propels himself angrily into the night air, he doesn’t notice it. The stars turn a fiery red as Kurama’s cloak envelops him and Kakashi’s chakra falls further behind.

He’s not mad at Gai-sensei. He’s certainly not mad at Kakashi.

He’s mad with himself. He’s mad for not falling for Hinata’s gentle smile and ethereal eyes. He’s mad for not being honest enough. He’s mad for being born thirteen years too late, for being a kid, a pup to the one man he’s ever wanted.

***

He ends up in front of Iruka’s door. He blinks, lets the bijuu mode fade, then knocks.

They go for ramen. Iruka is all smiles and chats happily about the program they’re working on with Suna.

‘’We are setting up an inter-village exchange studying program. We’re going to run it for a couple of years. If it works well, we’ll involve the other nations as well. ‘’

Iruka’s so excited that he knocks downs the chopsticks jar. He scratches at the back of his head sheepishly, apologizing profusely at Teuchi-san. 

Naruto laughs in his ramen, the knot in his stomach easing a bit.

‘’I’m happy for you,’’ he says with a sincerity he doesn’t have to fake when all the chopsticks have been recovered. 

Iruka grins at his ex-student, cheeks ablaze.

‘’And what about you, Naruto? Not that I’m complaining but you were awfully quiet on our last trip to Suna.’’

Naruto crosses his arms on his chest, pensive. In comparison to Iruka’s projects, his own problems seem small and frivolous.

Iruka nudges him with a knowing look.

‘’Is it about a girl?’’

Naruto’s appetite is all but gone. His unease must show because Iruka turns serious all of sudden.

‘’Is it about Hinata?’’

Naruto lets out a brief, humourless laugh. Well, that’s the problem, isn’t? It’s never about Hinata.

‘’Quite the contrary in fact,’’ he says softly.

He risks a quick glance at his friend. Iruka’s leaning toward him in concern.

‘’It’s about…’’ He gives himself a mental shake. He’s been through a war, goddammit. He can do this. ‘’It’s about Kakashi-sensei,’’ he finishes with a shaky voice nonetheless.

Naruto doesn’t look to see the rapid succession of emotions he’s sure to find on his friend’s face.

His noodles are soggy, the broth has gone cold. Iruka finds his voice back.

‘’Wha –. Has he, has he done anything to you?’’ Iruka’s whole body is shaking in anger.

Naruto quickly diffuses any misunderstanding.

‘’No! No. _No_. He hasn’t done anything, anything at all.’’

‘’He…’’ He scratches his cheek thoughtfully. Well, it’s not like he can back down now. ‘’He… Well I… Well it’s more like... You know?’’

He faces his friend. That was pretty self-explanatory if you ask him. It must have been, because Iruka-sensei’s face is exactly the same as the night Naruto had hotly declared, before the graduation exam, that he would become Hokage. Minus the noodle stuck between his lips.

Iruka seems to get himself together. He clears his throat. ‘’I see.’’

He quickly scans the empty shop.

‘’So you… like him?’’ he probs gently.

Naruto realizes he’d stopped breathing. He lets out a full breath, stares into his ramen without seeing it.

Kurama sighs.

_Yeah, kid, you’ve got it bad._

Naruto’s jaw is set and his meal sits like a dead weight in his belly. He feels miserable. He nods. 

‘’I think so, yeah. I’m pretty sure I do.’’

Iruka’s eyes are strangely misty.

‘’Oh, Naruto.’’

Then there’s a hand ruffling his hair and Iruka’s smiling at him through tear-stained cheeks.


	3. Fill me in as I sometimes sit and wonder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few days later, Naruto wanders aimlessly through the village. He’s still feeling a bit off but he’s kicked himself out of his apartment, annoyed at himself for being so melodramatic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huuuuuuuuge thank you (and mucho love!) to Milestogo56 (Pink_boxers_rainbow) for betaing this chapter and just being amazing, thank you!
> 
> On to the chapter!

A few days later, Naruto wanders aimlessly through the village. He’s still feeling a bit off but he’s kicked himself out of his apartment, annoyed at himself for being so melodramatic. Also, he’s in dire need of food. He replenishes his stock of ramen, then halts in front of a vegetable shop. Carrots are not that bad after all. 

He successfully secures the carrots, sidestepping around a lady with a flowing skirt, eyes the potatoes speculatively while doing a quick mental calculation of Gama-chan’s content. 

Suddenly, the hair on his arms start prickling, millions of little ripples of electricity running along his nerves. He registers the clean, crisp rainy smell like an afterthought, the chakra so familiar he could pick it up in his sleep. 

Kakashi-sensei is holding a pack of green onions, fixing an eye on Naruto, poise hesitant. Naruto perceives more than he hears the small intake of breath. They stand there until the lady with the flowing skirt steps between them with a hushed ‘’Excuse-me.’’ 

They pay for their purchases. Naruto wonders if green onions are the only thing Kakashi-sensei wanted to purchase. 

They walk for a while, their bags ruffling between them. When they get to the river, they sit where the grass is soft, weeds and flowers as tall as their knees. Naruto’s ears are ringing, but he hears Kakashi-sensei clearing his throat.

‘’I was not expecting your, ah, hasty departure the other night.’’ 

Naruto can tell Kakashi-sensei is tense at the way he holds himself, at the taut cords of muscles he can imagine running from shoulders to jaw, to skull.

‘’Sorry,’’ he offers, and he is. Kakashi shouldn’t have to deal with his mood swings while he sorts himself out. ‘’I’m, huh, going through some… stuff right now,’’ he finishes lamely.

Kakashi nods, lifts his head to the sky, probably smelling the incoming rain on the heavy wind. 

‘’Is it about the War?’’

His thigh brushes against Naruto’s, like it’s happened thousands of times before. Naruto wants to rest his hand on the jounin’s knee, because he knows it hurts before a heavy downpour. Instead he settles for propping one leg up on a big, mossy stump and digging his fingers into the rich, humid soil. He shakes his head.

‘’Not at all, don’t worry about it.’’

The hound throws him a sideway glance, grey hair tousled by the wind. 

‘’Is it because of what happened in the cave?’’

Naruto startles imperceptibly, breath itching. He can’t look at Kakashi right now, because he’s afraid of what the other ninja might find in his eyes. Naruto’s always had to scream for a few scraps of attention, let alone love and affection. He’s never learned to bury his heart. 

‘’Anything I can do to help?’’

Naruto’s heart breaks just a little. He bows his head gently, wishes for the rain. 

Takes a deep breath in.

_One, two, three, four, five._

Lets it out.

_One, two, three, four, five._

‘’I’ll sort it out,’’ he says with as much confidence as he can muster. 

He feels the jounin’s stare weighting on him for a moment, then slipping away.

‘’Maa, you know yourself best.’’

Thunder rumbles in the distance. His sensei gets to his feet, walks to the river. Naruto barely registers when Kakashi pulls down his mask, cups his hands to splash water on his bare face. He can follow the sharp line of a jaw, the soft, discreet edge of a cheek. Kakashi looks at him over his shoulder, grey eye unreadable. 

‘’Sharing a weakness doesn’t mean that you’re weak, you know.’’

Naruto’s glad he’s sitting down. He manages to nod, throat parched, the image of his sensei’s profile burnt on his retinas. 

***

They go on missions. They train. They gather intel on a group of missing-nin that seems a bit too interested in the works of the Akatsuki and Madara. A Five Kage Summit is held to coordinate the actions of the different Hidden Villages in order to protect the tailed beasts. Naruto, being Naruto, is a key figure in their execution. 

He turns 19. He turns 19 sleeping on a patch of dried leaves by a cliff, cold wind sweeping around him. At sunrise, Kurama rouses him. Sakura is rubbing her hands together to keep them warm. Sai is calling above their heads. The tailed beasts are coming. 

***

Naruto spends the following months going from one Village to another, gathering intel on the new threat and meeting with the tailed beasts every now and then. The group is not as powerful or careful as the Akatsuki was, but what they lack in power, they make it up in number. By midwinter, they have enough members that clashes with small groups of shinobis across the nation. One morning, the five Kage each receive a package: the bloodied, severed head of a shinobi from their village. The missing-nins declare themselves as the Shintsuki, the New Moon.

‘’They’re not just Akatsuki wannabes, Tsunade explains tiredly, one late night in the Hokage office. ‘’They include pretty much every shinobi who’s not inclined to see an era of peace.’’ 

The dim lights are casting dark circles under her eyes. Naruto has just gotten back from a trip to the Earth Country himself and looks like a vagabond. His much-loved, now worn out orange outfit leans more toward a leafy brown. He’s in desperate need of a shower and some ramen, but Tsunade looks even worse than he does. Well, maybe not worse, but she does look exhausted. The faces around him are grim. Naruto knows that not everyone in the shinobi world embraces his idealistic vision. However, it’s still disheartening that after all they’ve been through, all the sacrifices, the bonds they’ve made, some would choose blood and death over friendship and partnership. It makes absolutely no sense to him.

Sakura clears her throat, looking at him expectantly. Tsunade, Yamato, Sai, Shikamaru and Kakashi are all staring at him, waiting. Naruto leans his hands on the big map, pointing East. 

‘’We’ve made contact with all the beasts’’, Naruto summarizes for everyone. He moves his finger North. ‘’Saiken has been attacked twice in the last two months. No sealing jutsu has been used, from what he can tell.’’ Six pairs of eyes follow his hand as it moves across the map. ‘’Matatabi and Isobu have gone into hiding for now. Son Gokou… Well, let’s say that hiding isn’t for him. Killer-B has been participating in a lot of raids, despite Raikage’s opinion. All of the other beasts will gravitate around Konoha. As soon as anything happens, I’ll know. It took time, but they’ve also all agreed to be temporarily sealed, if it ever comes to that.’’

Tsunade nods approvingly.

‘’Good work. We’ll only use sealing as a last resort. Now, from Kakashi’s and Yamato’s last report, the Shintsuki have several established bases.’’ There are seven red dots on the map. ‘’Two were destroyed. One by the Hidden Stone Village, the other by the Hidden Village in the Cloud. ‘’

Naruto feels his eyelids growing heavy. He hasn’t slept in two days, making haste to return to the village for tonight’s meeting. He shifts his weight, trying to shake the numbness from his body. He’s taken to tying his longer hair with a leather lace while he was gone, the growing length of his hair having dropped very low on his recent list of priorities. He blows half-heartedly on a stray strand tickling the corner of his eye, lulled by the warmth of the room. He freezes when he notices Kakashi watching him. Swiftly he brings his attention back to Shikamaru's intel report. He hasn’t seen the silver-haired jounin in nearly three months, having been out of the village for most of the time. It’s been good, the distance. 

Kurama scoffs, stretches lazily.

_Sure, you keep telling yourself that, kiddo._

Naruto scowls, crosses his arms over his chest. Again, he catches Kakashi’s steady gaze, tries not to let his own travel over the mask, memories threatening to assail him. He shifts on his feet once more, startles when Sakura jabs him in the side, He swears he hears a muffled chuckle. Naruto bites the inside of his cheek, the tip of his ears burning. 

He doesn’t look at anything but at the map for the rest of the meeting, Kurama snickering knowingly. 

They’re eventually dismissed. He walks with Shikamaru, slipping him an impressive stack of letters from Temari. The genius splutters and blushes, but takes the letters. Once outside, he takes a deep breath of the cold, crisp air. The stars are bright, even behind his fogging breath. The streets, even with a few bystanders and civilians, are silent. 

‘’Want me to walk you home, Sakura?’’ Naruto offers his friend, more by habit than genuine concern. He’s pretty sure the pink-haired kunoichi would have no trouble defending herself against any undesirable individual. 

Sakura’s obviously came to the same conclusion ages ago. She shakes her head with a smile, waves as she turns around. ‘’Go home, Naruto, I think you’ve more than earned the right to have a good night of sleep.’’

‘’And a shower,’’ adds a lower voice beside his ear, followed by a sniffing sound. 

Naruto whirls around, almost coming nose to nose with Kakashi-sensei. He backpedals as quickly as he can, almost losing his balance in the process, the lack of sleep and food catching up with him as his vision swirls. There’s an anchoring hand on his arm, squeezing until the world is right again. Naruto mumbles an apology, face heating up in embarrassment. 

‘’When’s the last time you’ve eaten?’’ Kakashi asks, slowly letting go of his arm once he’s sure Naruto won’t try to make better acquaintance with the earth again. 

‘’I’ve had food pills the last couple of days,’’ Naruto answers evasively. 

He knows Kakashi-sensei isn’t being fooled.

‘’And you have food at your home? Ichiraku is closed at this time, you know?’’

Naruto opens his mouth but Kakashi corrects him before he can speak.

‘’Instant ramen doesn’t count.’’

‘’Of course it does!’’ Naruto counters hotly, indignant. 

Kakashi drapes one arm across his shoulders, steering him toward the back of the village.

‘’I’m talking about real food. Fresh food.’’

‘’You know a restaurant open at this hour?’’ Naruto asks dubiously, trying to get his attention to zero-in on anything else than the warm and solid body against his. A distant part of his brain notices that he’s gotten taller since the last time he’s seen the jounin. 

‘’Mmm?’’

Naruto swears he can feel the vibration of his sensei’s throat in his chest.

‘’I know the best of restaurants.’’ 

If it wasn’t for the warm, chaotic smell of lightning and frizzy chakra, Naruto would’ve been worried this was an impostor. Kakashi-sensei’s leading him to an area Naruto has no knowledge of -which is saying a lot for the prankster that he was-, deep into the woods. Kakashi’s leading the way like he’s walked the dark path hundreds of times before while Naruto trips and stumbles over hidden roots and rocks.

‘’Tell me what fell on Kakashi-sensei’s head the first day we met,’’ Naruto demands as they go deeper under the trees, because he still has his doubts.

Kakashi pauses mid-pace with a questioning _Ah_? before a brief laugh escapes him. ‘’Don’t worry, we’re almost there.’’ 

In fact, they do walk past a decrepit wooden fence once they’re out of the woods. Naruto hasn’t noticed before, but a power line runs above their head and over an imposing, yet modest traditional-looking house. 

Naruto squints in the dark. ‘’This is…’’

‘’My home,’’ Kakashi says, voice surprisingly soft as he looks at the black windows. 

Naruto’s eyes fly from his sensei to the property, pieces of information adding together and not making any sense. ‘’But… I mean… I’ve seen… I’ve seen your house, your apartment.’’

Kakashi turns toward him and Naruto would’ve given anything in that moment to be able to see the jounin’s face. 

‘’Welcome to the Hatake compound.’’

***

Naruto can only stare, mouth agape, as his sensei walks up the discreet trail leading to the house. He follows slowly, taking in the abandoned, small field in front of the house, the weeds that seemed to have claimed most of the grounds, the wobbly planks of the low porch as he steps on it. A stream of light escapes through the open door, and Naruto is drawn to it like a moth to a flame. 

He hasn’t taken two steps in that Kakashi throws a bundle of clean clothes and towels into his arms, pushing him toward what he can only assume to be the bathroom.

‘’Shower, now,’’ orders the jounin with, Naruto is sure, his best Anbu-captain voice. ‘’Don’t take more than fifteen minutes, you’ll have cold water after that,’’ he adds before closing the door behind him. 

Naruto blinks a few times at the door, still racking his brain with the new information. He sets his clean package on the edge of the sink mechanically, coaxes the resisting handles in the shower until he’s rewarded with blissfully warm water. Remembering Kakashi’s advice, he undresses in the blink of an eye, happy to peel the dirty clothes off his skin and to discard them into a pile in the corner. He unties the leather lace, lets the water get rid of the grime from his usually vibrant hair. Kakashi’s soap and shampoo remind him of a luscious conifer forest and clean rain. No wonder the man always smells so good. 

Kakashi’s clothes fit surprisingly well. The black baggy pants pool a bit at his ankles but they’re soft and comfortable, as is the long sleeve turtleneck that hugs him warmly. 

He pads to the kitchen, following the promising mouth-watering smell and sizzling food, wet feet leaving dark prints on the wooden floor. 

Kakashi’s traded his jounin outfit for more relaxed clothes, hair flopping on each side of his head, trademark mask into place. He moves effortlessly around the kitchen, cracking eggs in a frying pan until he can roll them around what looks like to be rice and vegetables. 

Naruto walks up behind him, peers over his shoulder. He makes an appreciative groan, stomach rumbling loudly. Kakashi flips the omurice.

‘’Your hair’s dripping on me.’’

Naruto backs out of Kakashi’s space obediently, leans against the counter. 

‘’When did you learn to cook?’’

Kakashi fills two glasses of water from the sink, sets them on the table. 

‘’My father died when I was six,’’ he explains easily. ‘’I didn’t have your obsession for ramen.’’

Naruto’s heard the stories, of course he had. Konoha’s White Fang was famous after all. After rescuing Gaara, Sakura and him had asked around, intrigued by Chyo’s explosive reaction. 

Naruto nods as Kakashi hands him a plate. He follows him to the table. They eat in silence, Naruto wolfing down his own meal.

‘’There’s more,’’ Kakashi offers dispassionately. 

Naruto doesn’t have to be told twice. 

He’s licking his fingers after the last bite of his third serving when he feels like he’s recovered enough of his brain to hold a decent conversation. He drains his glass of water, sighs happily as he recedes back in his chair.

Even with the mask, Naruto knows Kakashi-sensei’s smirking at him. He rolls his eyes. 

‘’I was hungry.’’

Kakashi chuckles lightly. ‘’Yes, I can see that.’’

Naruto licks his lips, chasing the last remnants of the dish. ‘’So.’’

Kakashi sets his elbows on the table, rests his chin in one palm. ‘’So.’’

Naruto grins. ‘’This family matter you had to take care of a while ago?’’

Kakashi nods. ‘’That was part of it, yes.’’

He considers Naruto for a long moment before seemingly coming to a conclusion. He gets up, picks up the plates and glasses, sets them in the sink. 

‘’Is your hair still wet?’’

‘’Er…’’ Naruto pats experimentally at his head. ‘’I guess not?’’

He follows the jounin at the back of the property, eyebrows raised when they stop in front of a circle made of rocks. A cool breeze rustles the leaves of the trees around them, carrying the timid hoot of an owl. Kakashi bends down, a shadow in the night, arranging the logs expertly. 

‘’You want to make a fire?’’ Naruto asks around a yawn, slumping on one of the two large rocks obviously there for this very purpose. 

He feels like he’s nearing a comatose state.

Kakashi hums noncommittally.

Naruto rests his elbows on his thighs, lets his head hang between his knees to soothe his burning eyes. 

He doesn’t sleep. 

He breathes in the familiar scent of Kakashi’s shirt.

_One, two, three, four, five._

A low _Katon_ is whispered before the darkness behind his eyelids burns bright. 

He feels the solid presence of his teacher settling on the other rock, a blissful warmth sinking slowly into his bones.

For a while, there’s only the crackling and hissing of the fire in the night, the thick smell of burning firewood and pine needles. 

Naruto doesn’t sleep. He dreams.

About Kakashi’s voice. 

Low, almost inaudible. 

Naruto feels it running along the shell of his ears, the hollow of his throat, the ghost of the broken seal around his navel. It dances on the tip of his fingers, on the sole of his feet. Always moving but always there, like a caress, like a constant.

‘’I met my father,’’ Kakashi says with his wispy yet strong voice. Naruto’s body yields under that voice, welcomes it like a warm embrace. ‘’I met my father when I died.’’

There’s a twitch on Naruto’s brow. He dreams of devastation and agonizing loss. 

Then there’s Kakashi’s voice again.

Talking about a young Kakashi and his idolized father. 

Talking about a mission gone wrong and the fall of the White Fang. 

About time spent around a fire just like this. Talking.

And forgiving.

Naruto opens his eyes, chases the memory of the confession in the dying flames.

He knows he’ll keep those words with him when he leaves Konoha in the morning. He won’t see the path, nor the trees. He’ll see the glowing figure of his sensei against the winter night sky. He’ll remember thinking _I would cherish you._

He will not walk. 

He will dream.


	4. Grow up, I'll see you at midnight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We call them casualties, those who’ve died in a war or a battle. It’s a word, until it becomes someone, someone close to you. Naruto’s devoted his entire life up until now to prevent this word from becoming a someone, or multiple someones.
> 
> As much as he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *WARNING* Minor character death
> 
> And again, a huuuuuge thank you to the amazing Milestogo56 (Pink_boxers_rainbow) for making sentences make sense. Yes.

I'd give anything to hear

You say it one more time

That the universe was made

Just to be seen by my eyes

***

We call them casualties, those who’ve died in a war or a battle. It’s a word, until it becomes someone, someone close to you. Naruto’s devoted his entire life up until now to prevent this word from becoming a someone, or multiple someones.

As much as he could.

***

Kakashi sometimes wishes he could close his ears to the world, be deaf and let the living go on without him knowing about it. That particular morning his ears pick it up, despite his will, despite the birds calling for love in the surrounding trees. It’s hushed, like a floating, terrible rumor. The jounin closes _Icha Icha_ with stiff fingers, numbness and disbelief battling for dominance in every part of him. He lays on his branch, frozen, eyes unseeing, until he lets himself fall lightly to his feet. He doesn’t feel the ground.

Kakashi stretches his senses.

The rumour is rumbling now, tainted with anger and sorrow, rolling over breakfast and sleep-tousled children’s heads.

The jounin can hear it, roaming through the streets, amidst faltering steps and shocked gasps. 

The murmurs are deafening: the much beloved sensei is dead.

Kakashi puts his book away in his pouch, between kunais and explosive tags, methodically, then begins walking toward the Hokage tower.

***

Kakashi’s there when Naruto steps into the office, hair disheveled from his long journey, still wearing his dusty traveling clothes. The young man throws him a quick glance as he walks to the desk, then stands expectantly in front of the Hokage, missive still in hand.

‘’You said it was urgent?’’

Kakashi reads desolation on the Godaime’s pale face. He wants to turn away and put his hands on his ears when she begins.

‘’There’s been an ambush on the borders of Suna. They didn’t stand a chance.’’

The jounin moves imperceptibly closer to the younger man, watches as understanding dawns slowly on him.

Tsunade raises from her chair.‘’I’m so sorry Naruto.’’

Naruto turns slowly toward Kakashi, incomprehension battling with too many emotions to keep count.

"Wha-?" Naruto's voice cracks. He seems to be riveted into place. The missive has fallen to the ground."How?"

Blue eyes stay fixed on grey ones as Tsunade reads with a pained voice the scroll in front of her. Kakashi’s despair grows as he watches his ex-student’s heart break right in front of his very eyes, powerless to pick up the bleeding pieces. 

The silence becomes heavy, until Naruto blinks a few times, as if waking up.

‘’Ok, ok.’’ His hands are shaking. ‘’What can I do?’’ The blond swallows convulsively. ‘’Where is he?’’

His voice is frail, diminished, very much like a child’s. The realisation that Naruto’s teenage years are not far behind him hits Kakashi even harder than usual. He feels sick. He can’t move.

Naruto takes a few unsteady steps toward the door, leaves it wide open as he stumbles along the hallway. 

Tsunade rushes past Kakashi, calling the boy’s name. 

***

_One, two, three, four, five._

Naruto walks without seeing anything, earth yielding beneath the solid sole of his sandals, the dust clouding his feet like thoughts in his head.

_One, two, three, four, five._

The fox's ears twitch in hopelessness. If he were able to see the heart of his human, he’s sure it would look as chaotic as the top of the trees under his seething breath.

_If you're sad, boy, just cry._

_One, two, three, four, five._

Naruto stops in front of a familiar-looking tree, the same one where Iruka-sensei had ambushed Mizuki. He lays a hand against the rough bark, as if looking for any trace that could remain of his former friend.

_One, two, three, four, five._

Naruto lets himself slide against the trunk, a mirror of his Iruka of so many years ago, his Iruka who had spoken the first words of acceptance that young Naruto had been craving unconsciously. The sun is setting, but Naruto can’t see it. Ears dropping, the fox finally extends his tails around his human, a gesture that means more than just warding off the cold for his human vessel.

The forest watches, the shadows grow, and then comes the hound.

He doesn’t talk. Neither does Naruto nor Kurama. He only stands by the boy’s side, another dark silhouette amidst a sea of creaking and groaning vigils. A slight breeze brings the fresh scent of rain a few hours before dawn, dancing with the earthy tang of decaying wood and moss. Kakashi lifts his nose as a sailor would lift their eyes to the stars, assessing. Finally, the jounin lowers himself into a crouch in front of the young man, joints protesting at the movement. 

"Yo," he says at last, as if he hasn’t been standing there for the better part of the night, as if the dew hasn't soaked his feet.

However, the jounin’s voice is gravelly and his shoulders are slumped.

Kakashi extends an arm hesitantly, then lays his hand on the golden hair, fingers clenching gently on the bowed head.

‘’Naruto,’’ he speaks with his heart in his throat, ‘’go home’’.

The silver-haired man has a nauseating feeling of _déjà-vu_ , except the unresponsive shell of a man that’s slouched in front of him doesn’t have white hair or Kakashi’s straight nose.

The figure in front of him doesn’t stir, giving no indication that he’s been heard.

The clouds come, low and rumbling over the forest. When the rain falls, the summoned ninken press their warm bodies to the weeping teen, sheltering him.

Kakashi doesn’t feel the goosebumps running on his damp skin. 

***

The funeral is held three days later.

Half-way through it, Naruto seems ready to crumble on himself. Kakashi takes a step forward and, without saying a word, leans his shoulder against his ex-student's. Naruto doesn’t fall, although Kakashi’s not sure he would’ve been able to catch him if he did.

When Iruka Umino is lowered into the ground, a cold hand slips into Kakashi’s. He doesn’t breathe, time suspended until his heart starts beating again, until he’s flesh and bones anew and until blood starts rushing through his vessels once more. His palm sliding against Naruto’s is a discreet, timid story, one that makes his head spin and makes him want to maybe, maybe, entwine their fingers together. 

***

The death of Iruka spreads through the village like wildfire, is the spark that ignites a wave of fury. In the next few days, there’s no time for anything other than plan, run, run, run and fight. Kurama’s thunderous roars make the enemy’s bodies shake uncontrollably with fear, make them drop their weapons and grab at their heads in terror. The fox is like the sun, a leaping ball of fire and of pure, raw power. Naruto brims with a hurtful vengeance as he crushes one opponent after the other. The battle is short. The Allied Shinobi Forces are deadly, commanding both the sky and the ground. It’s a slaughter. 

_After_ , it’s the only way to say it, after, Naruto stands, silent, amidst a sea of fallen bodies. There’s no cry of joy, no celebration. Tears wind their way through blood and dust. Kakashi looks away when Sasuke brings the blond’s head to the crook of his neck, Sakura standing by their side, looking defeated in spite of the crushing victory. 

***

The compound is utterly silent in the dead of the night, but the cries, the clashing of metal against metal and the shrill cries of the jutsus still roar into Kakashi’s head, burning earth and flesh assailing his nostrils. The jounin rubs the fabric of the mask against his nose, trying to get rid of the smells he knows too much by now. The porch is cool against his back, anchoring him.

Kakashi’s heart thuds a little bit louder at every approaching step until the freshly cleaned smell of Naruto overpowers any other smell, makes him wish it would linger on the walls of the old house.

Then Naruto’s head appears above Kakashi’s, upside down, just another star in the sky. His eyes are red-rimmed, sunken. Kakashi doesn’t think before he extends a hand, bruised knuckles brushing a whiskered cheek briefly. 

‘’You did well today,’’ he says, memories going back to another battle, to an exhausted weight landing on his back and to a quiet walk into the woods.

Naruto lingers there for a moment, hands on each side of the jounin, hair now back to their usual length, and Kakashi almost does something incredibly stupid. Luckily for him, Naruto moves before Kakashi’s body can act on its own. The older man sits up, a little breathless, tries to convince himself it’s from the early blows to his stomach. 

‘’I’ve been counting, you know?’’

Kakashi stills.

Naruto faces the forest, legs hanging from the porch.

‘’I’ve been counting, but it still hurts _so much_.’’

And Kakashi realizes that Naruto is slowly falling to pieces, sunshine smile and blind optimist laying in a grave with a dear friend. Naruto doesn’t make a sound as he cries. Kakashi’s fist goes to his chest, because a silent Naruto cuts so much deeper than a screaming Naruto. The jounin’s coward-self almost summons his ninken. With chills running up his bare arms, he slides on the grass, stands in front of the young man and deliberately places his hands on his knees.

‘’Do you want help?’’ He barely recognises his voice.

Naruto’s hardly-there nod is all he needs.

Without a word, he forces the legs open to accommodate his body. Naruto’s foggy eyes slowly lift to meet his, obviously confused. Kakashi tries to ignore the way the legs close automatically around his frame, the way Naruto’s ankles cross behind his calves, bringing him closer still, blue eyes drinking him in.

A brief image of a young Kakashi passes through the jounin’s mind. A young Kakashi waking up from death-filled dreams, sweating, breathing spiraling out of control. Counting, counting to survive.

Kakashi feels himself being pulled forward, attention snapping back on the very much alive young man in front of him, on the solid presence of his legs around him.

Naruto lets out an audible sigh as their foreheads meet, tension leaving his shoulders, eyelids growing heavy. Kakashi’s gaze flickers along the relaxing features, settles on the sagging, still bitter line of the mouth. Naruto’s hands tighten on his shoulders, jaw working as another tear falls on his cheek.

‘’Count with me, Naruto,’’ Kakashi says quietly, breath growing deeper out of habit, searching for that peaceful, floating place inside of him. 

Naruto doesn’t count. In fact, he’s fixing the lower half of Kakashi’s face with a remarkable intensity, face so open and expressive all of sudden that Kakashi couldn’t look away if his life depended on it. And Kakashi knows. Like he knows a kunai will sink between the ribs of an enemy and pierce through a lung when he throws it, like the sun will rise with the sickly-sweet smell of grass each morning, like Naruto will lift his hands and pull down the mask, inch by inch, and Kakashi won’t stop him. He knows Naruto’s bandaged fingertips will graze his cheek with reverence, dance to the corner of his mouth, his own lips open around a breathless _oh_. He knows Naruto’s thumb will hover over the little mole longingly, hold the tip of his chin. He’ll let Naruto read him like a map, explore the cave under his lower lip and raise his face until the tip of his nose traces the edge of the jounin’s jaw.

No, Kakashi won’t stop him.

He stands still as a statue, letting warmth and something akin to hope fill him as the younger man blurs and redefines all the rules the jounin has carefully lived by for the better part of his life.

When Naruto pulls back just enough for their lips to brush, Kakashi surrenders. Both hands come up to cradle Naruto’s face as his mouth claims the other's in a heart-stopping, earth-shattering kiss. Time stands still, night silent and breathing forgotten. There’s a needy growl trapped in the back of Kakashi’s throat. Then there are hands in his hair, pressing him closer, closer still, heels digging in his legs, lips answering his with the same fervor, the same desperation. 

_This_ , is being alive, Kakashi thinks, as their lips part, as he gently nips at the chin, then mouths at the quickening pulse under the boy’s jaw. Naruto’s head falls back beautifully, eyes unseeing, strong fingers gripping blindly at the back of Kakashi’s head and shoulders.

 _This_ , is worth living for, Kakashi decides, as Naruto begins to tremble against him and around him, Kakashi’s teeth closing on the taunt muscle below his ear.

 _Yes_ , Kakashi, concedes, full of wonder as the boy shudders violently against him and the musky scent of a man's pleasure wraps around them, _yes, this is why I’m here_.

Naruto sags against him, sweaty hair clinging to his forehead and breath hot against the jounin’s shoulder.

Kakashi’s arms come up around him _._

***

Naruto’s sluggish mind makes a valiant effort at figuring out his surroundings. There’s a soothing, warm cloth rubbing pleasantly on his belly, thighs and around his groin. A murmur of approval reaches his lips, limbs heavy, the heart wrenching feeling that’s been crushing him for the past week, forgotten. He feels pliant, doesn’t resist but doesn’t help either when someone slips a soft cotton band all the way up his legs and over his hips.

The smell of Kakashi surrounds him.

He sinks further into the pillow, lips easing into a blissful smile.

***

Kakashi lets out a low chuckle. The idiot is smiling in his sleep, while twenty minutes ago he was drowning into the depths of despair.

If Gai had been here, he’d say –

No.

Kakashi refuses categorically to think about Gai at this very moment, while he’s holding a damp towel stained with – Stop. Kakashi lets out a shaky breath. He feels like he’s walking a very thin line between elation and having a nervous breakdown. His feet take him to the bathroom and he throws the offending cloth into the laundry basket. He puts another towel on top. Closes the basket with a firm hand. He loses the staring contest with the basket.

The jounin walks back to his room, then stands still at the foot of the bed. For once, Naruto doesn’t seem to be dreaming about ramen, or Sakura. Which is good, all things considered.

Isn’it?

Kakashi would be lying to himself if he said Naruto and him haven't been dancing around each other for a while now. He would also be lying if he said every fiber of his being hadn't been craving what has just transpired on the back porch, wasn't craving the blond's touch, still. He growls in frustration, the image of his sensei flashing through his mind, familiar blue eyes fixed on him full of silent reproach.

Naruto's not so soft snores drift through his tormented mind.

Kakashi hasn’t used the technique in a while, hasn’t needed it, but he just might start counting. Instead, he walks to the side of the bed, let’s himself sink into a sitting position, the pressure of the wooden frame on his back uncomfortable enough to prevent him from going to sleep. The jounin’s grateful for the side of the room opening on the forest, for the night breeze cooling his heated skin and the fragrance of the trees dissipating Naruto’s commanding, far too addictive scent.

Sometime in the night, Naruto rolls over and kicks the sheets into a bundle, mumbling, flesh hand flying from the bed, almost whacking Kakashi’s head in the process. It’s chaotic and so much like Naruto that the jounin barely resists the urge to crawl into the too small bed and bury himself into the young man’s side, hiding himself under those loose, heavy limbs. Instead, he shifts closer to the dangling arm, follows the journey of muscles into tendons into twitching fingers. He props one knee up, tells himself that if his fingers ever so briefly get lost between the blond’s, it’s to lift Naruto’s hand on his raised knee. When his fingers stray along the thin lines of his palm, chakra coming up under the skin almost lazily to greet them, he painfully concedes that he already knows them by heart.

He lets his head hang low, brings the hand to his forehead, tasting shame and want and feeling like the choice was never his to begin with.

Then the forest goes silent, the light of the moon eclipsed by the fire of the fox.

Kakashi tightens his hold on Naruto’s hand.

‘’Anything you want to say, Kurama?’’ 


	5. We drifted to survive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naruto wakes up already squinting, the sun hitting his face like he knows it’s not supposed to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise, two chapters in two days! It turned out that chapter 4 was getting very long (for me), so I split it and there you go, two chapters for one!
> 
> Again, I don't know what I would do without the amazing Milestogo56 (Pink_boxers_rainbow), whom I suspect to have multiple clones with everything she can do in one day.
> 
> And yes, I changed the titles of the chapters again.

Naruto wakes up already squinting, the sun hitting his face like he knows it’s not supposed to.

However, he feels surprisingly well-rested, which is saying a lot considering his insomniac tendencies from last week. Sakura’s swampy potions had put him to sleep, yes, but they could do nothing to relieve the bone-deep weariness and pure ache the news of his sensei’s passing had left him with. 

He turns his head into the pillow, breathing in greedily, letting the familiar scent ease the clenching of his heart.

Wait.

He shoots off the bed in alarm, clutching his bare chest frantically in a futile attempt to salvage whatever might remaining of his shredded dignity. He… he…

_Oh. God._

Red has never looked good on him and he’s pretty sure he’s looking like a blooming… whatever scarlet flower Ino keeps blabbering about.

‘’Awake, are you?’’

‘’Gua!’’

Naruto scrambles to put the sweat pants higher on his hips, resolutely not looking at the man who's leaning on the doorframe. He pauses, eyes going wide. These are definitely Kakashi’s. Which means…

Naruto feels like he’s either going to faint or combust on the spot. His hand shoots to his forehead. Hinata’s illness makes so much sense right now. He would feel bad for the poor girl if he wasn’t in such a predicament himself.

There’s an awkward silence. Naruto doesn’t do awkward, except that ‘’I came all over myself after you put your lips on my neck’’ doesn’t seem like the right way to begin a conversation with Kakashi-sensei. 

_Oh. God._

Kakashi takes a step forward. ‘’Naruto-’’

The embarrassingly high-pitched squeak that escapes from Naruto’s mouth is in no way a decent reaction either, but his body seems to have a mind on its own. His brain is coming dangerously close to setting itself on the ‘’flee’’ option when Kakashi lifts himself from the door, hand half-raised as if to stop the younger man mid-stride.

‘’Wait, this is something we should really talk about, Naruto.’’ 

What stops the blond from running through the open side-door though is the stabbing pain of his toe as he stubs it on the wooden step.

He falls into a crouch, clutching his foot, face becoming impossibly redder.

The following silence is even more awkward. Naruto refuses to get up. He’s busy praying to whatever god that may exist that Kurama’s sleeping right now.

Kakashi clears his throat, walking leisurely to stand beside the blond, watching the sun filtering through the trees, hands in his pockets. 

‘’Maa, that went pretty well if you ask me.’’

Naruto chances a look at the older man. ‘’Erm, Kakashi-sensei, I’m not-‘’

There’s a faint contraction on Kakashi’s face and the man goes indubitably pale. ‘’Please, don’t call me ‘sensei’ right now.’’ 

Naruto presses his lips into a thin line. He can see the jounin’s point. He unrolls stiffly, crossing his bare arms over his chest. Kakashi’s still wearing the same clothes he was in yesterday evening. Naruto shuffles his feet like a graceless teenager. Just when he feels like he might implode, Kakashi rakes a hand through his already untamed hair and sighs. Naruto vaguely remembers the feeling of his own fingers pulling at the grey locks –

‘’Honestly, even though I’ve spent the whole night wondering, I’m still not sure how to do this.’’

Naruto forces his attention on the words, knowing that he has to meet Kakashi half-way there. ‘’Well, hum, if I, you know, hum, if I remember correctly, I’m the one who, who, who-’’

Really, if he were Kakashi, he would want nothing to do with a fumbling idiot like himself. The tension he feels coming from the other man isn’t helping either. He takes a steadying breath, decides the jounin deserves all the honesty he can give him. Naruto turns sharply to face him, gets a startled look in response.

‘’You know, I’m the one who kissed you. You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m the one who should be apologizing. I thought I was getting somewhere with my crush - okay this is definitely more than a crush, but I had it all under control and then Iruka-sensei was gone,’’ Naruto’s voice breaks a little, but he carries on, ’’and you were there and I just desperately needed to feel _good_ , feel something that wasn’t horrible and hurting and like _death_ , and I’ve been trying to get over you for so long, I just…’’ Naruto’s voice goes quiet, like the wind has been blown from its sails. ‘’ I just needed you. I needed you a little too much. I’m sorry.’’

The sun is warm on his feet. Naruto smiles sadly. Kakashi looks frozen into place, face eerily blank. This is the face of a boy who joined the Anbu instead of going back to his family for the night. Even through the dread filling him, Naruto’s stomach twists fondly at the memory of the little mole pecking the jounin’s chin, at the perfection of his body against his.

 _Yes, I would’ve cherished you_ , Naruto thinks. He also knows he’ll do everything he can to salvage their friendship.

‘’I’m sorry,’’ he repeats, then frowns a little, ‘’Technically you’re the one who kissed me first, even though I’m the one who – ‘’

‘’Please shut up, Naruto.’’

‘’- okay.’’

The grey eyes are startlingly dark, pupils blown wild and Naruto’s body instinctively responds to their quiet calling. Kakashi’s shaking his head like he can’t quite believe what he’s doing.

‘’I’m about to do something so incredibly stupid it reminds me of you.’’

Naruto’s indignation gets lost in an indistinct gurgle when Kakashi’s masked face fills in his entire vision.

‘’So,’’ the silver-haired man breathes behind his mask. ‘’If I follow you correctly, I’m allowed to do this?’’ he asks as he rubs his nose against the blond’s, the gesture surprisingly chaste. Nonetheless, Naruto is very proud of himself for not coming from the disarmingly intimate touch.

‘’Y-yes.’’

Kakashi’s hands travel up his arms, kneading the tense muscles before seemingly coming to a decision. ‘’Ok, no, we’re going to do this the right way,’’ he says, clothed lips lingering on the blond’s forehead before vanishing, leaving Naruto chasing the retreating body.

‘’The right way?’’ Naruto asks numbly, following Kakashi as he retreats to the kitchen and puts a pot of water on the stove. 

Is there a wrong way to do this? Naruto wonders as he hoists himself up easily to sit on the counter, the top of his head bumping a swaying lamp.

Kakashi is adding dried green leaves to a teapot. ‘’Yes, we’re going to talk about it.’’

As much as Naruto’s raging hormones would like to do anything but talk to the man, the rational part of his brain agrees that the sensible way to handle a situation like this -not that he has any experience, is probably to go with Kakashi’s way. Even though the jounin’s touch pretty much brought him back to life, even though he’s afraid to just be swallowed back into this black hole he was lost into recently, Naruto stays seated on the small counter. His fingers clasp the cold metal frame instead of reaching out and begging for oblivion again.

He nods. ‘’You’re right. How do you want to do this?’’

The jounin swallows visibly, checking for the umpteenth time the not yet boiling water. 

‘’I’ve been craving something stronger all night, but tea will have to do. I’m sorry, I don’t have any milk.’’

Naruto shrugs. Funny how things that once seemed important now look so trivial.

‘’Do you have feelings for me?’’ the blond asks bluntly, because he’s pretty sure that’s what counts in the end.

Kakashi removes the kettle from the stove, water still not boiling, splashing it uncharacteristically as he pours the liquid into the teapot. ‘’Naruto, I’m way older than you.’’

At that, Naruto jumps down from the counter.

‘’You’re not old, for fuck sake, you’re just older than me!’’ Naruto hadn’t expected to raise his voice so much, but he’s spent so much time agonizing over this fact that once he’d reached the conclusion that it didn’t matter to him, he was done with it.

‘’I want you. You!’’ Naruto says, hammering the word.

Kakashi’s fingers around the teapot handle are deadly white.

Naruto doesn’t back down. ‘’I don’t want the 20 years old you or the 25 years old you. I want the _now_ you. With all your scars, everything you’ve been through, everything you’ve seen.’’

Naruto feels like after years of swallowing his words, averting his eyes, he’s finally being set free.

‘’I know I want you. Heck, I’ve been fascinated by you since I was a kid, I admired you and would’ve given anything for you to give me half the attention you were giving to Sasuke.’’

Kakashi’s eyes are becoming impossibly wide.

‘’I honestly don’t know when my feelings started to become… more.’’

Naruto frowns. ‘’I just know that when you let yourself be stupidly taken by the missing-nin and almost became a rock- ‘’

At that, Naruto throws Kakashi an accusing glare, ‘’- I couldn’t take it. I was terrified of losing you. And then, you know,’’ The blond makes a vague gesture in the air. ‘’You did your magic trick and it forced me to realize how much I was very much in love with you. Let’s just say it wasn’t an easy ride.’’

Naruto looks pointedly at Kakashi. The jounin’s doing the blank stare again. The blond feels something being wrung in his chest. How could’ve Kakashi been so emotionally brainwashed that he doesn’t know how to react when faced with love? Naruto takes a step, forces the older man’s iron grip to loosen around the porcelain handle. He takes the hand in his instead, the same hand that prevented him from reaching out to the dead when the closest thing to a father figure he knew was being laid to rest. His heart aches with a growing familiarity, but he focuses on Kakashi’s face, on the warmth of his hand in his. Naruto raises his bandaged arm boldly, half wondering if he’s going to walk out of there with a Chidori through his chest. Again, Kakashi doesn’t resist when Naruto pulls down his mask, doesn’t advert his face when Naruto’s eyes go darker, a soundless _oh_ echoing around them both as memories and reality merge momentarily.

‘’You kissed me,’’ Naruto states. It’s not an accusation, not a condemnation, just a fact. Almost a question.

Kakashi doesn’t remove his hand. He looks at their entwined fingers, as if mesmerized.

‘’You were always an impossibility to me,’’ he begins softly. ‘’This. Us,’’ he continues, motioning between them, ‘’ was never supposed to happen, whether I wanted it or not.’’

Kakashi pauses, looking straight at the blond. ‘’I do want you, Naruto, you know I do. But I’ve never let myself even entertain the fact that anything would ever happen between us.’’

‘’But you want it to,’’ Naruto interjects.

‘’It doesn’t matter what I want. I was your teacher ‘’

‘’’Was’ being the keyword here,’’ Naruto cuts him unhappily.

‘’You’re going to be Hokage.’’

‘’Why does that even matter?’’

‘’Of course it matters!’’ Kakashi throws both hands in the air, frustration clear on his bare face.

Naruto grabs him by the sleeve as the man begins to walk away.

‘’Hey. We saved the world. I don’t think this is something that will be trivially overlooked.

Kakashi whirls around, backing the young man against the buzzing fridge, eyes dark with fury.

‘’Sleeping with a man that’s twice your age won’t look too good to the Council, Naruto.’’

Something inside Naruto snaps.

‘’If you weren’t so afraid of facing your own feelings for once you wouldn’t care about what the others think, you coward!’’ he retorts, blush high on his cheeks.

Naruto can taste ozone at the back of his throat, feel the electricity prickling at his skin.

‘’I’m thinking about you, about your future, you ungrateful brat!’’ Kakashi all but growls in his face.

Naruto grits his teeth, looks the wolf dead in the eye. 

‘’I want my future to be with you, you stupid old man!’’

The fight seems to bleed out of Kakashi as quickly as it had risen. He looks incredibly tired and Naruto is suddenly reminded that he’s been left to the devices of his self-flagellating mind all night.

‘’Get out. Get out of my house.’’

Naruto grabs the handle of the fridge, ready to fight if he needs to.

‘’Please, don’t do this.’’

Kakashi’s looking somewhere between Naruto’s plexus solar and navel. The last time the young man saw so much conflict in his sensei’s eyes was when they were facing Obito.

‘’I’m going to ruin you,’’ the jounin finally utters, voice raw and the corners of his mouth twitching in distress, grey hair falling over his scared eye.

Naruto’s heart drops in his chest, sees the ghosts of the dead embracing his lover, tightening their chains around him. Carefully, Naruto slips his arms around the jounin’s waist, holding on for dear life.

‘’No you won’t.’’

***

It takes a moment for Kakashi to answer to Naruto’s touch, to hesitantly wrap his arms around the younger man. Naruto still considers this a victory, melting into his arms. He plants a kiss on the corner of Kakashi’s jaw, gently rocking them back and forth.

‘’I won’t push you. I won’t force you,’’ he says after a while, when he feels that Kakashi’s returning the embrace more firmly.

Kakashi doesn’t answer, but he rests his cheek against Naruto’s ear, one hand coming up to cradle the back of the blond’s head.

‘’I do have feelings for you, you know.’’ he murmurs into golden hair after a while.

Naruto hums, hides a sad smile into the jounin’s shoulder. He takes one last breath of the beloved scent before pulling back gently.

‘’I’ll give you some space.’’

Kakashi’s hands linger on his arms, closing around air as Naruto walks back to the room.

‘’Thank you,’’ he says as Naruto comes back to the kitchen, one of Kakashi’s shirts in his hand.

‘’I’m borrowing this,’’ the blond announces. ‘’See ya, Kakashi!’’ he adds with a bright smile and a wave, before darting out the door.

***

The next morning, Naruto is gone.

‘’He asks of you to please respect his wishes, to not go after him, he’ll come back… eventually.’’

Tsunade’s eyebrow twitches angrily.

‘’You owe him that, at least,’’ adds the Uchiha, and it’s as close to a plea as it’ll ever get.

Tsunade _tsks_ , biting her lip. When she gets up, the chair rocks dangerously. The Hokage paces to the window, crosses her arms on her ample chest.

‘’I know that,’’ she admits with emotion.

Kakashi feels like he’s not getting enough air.

She turns back, fixes fiery eyes on the raven-haired man.

‘’You better take care of the brat.’’

Sasuke nods stiffly before disappearing.

That night, Kakashi allows himself the sweet oblivion of sake. He’s feeling slightly fuzzy, having lost the count somewhere between his third and fifth bottle, when a blurred flash of pink materializes in his peripheral vision.

The silver-haired man wants to ask her why she’s not at the hospital treating patients. He wants to ask her what she’s doing there, why she didn’t go with them.

Why he let Naruto go.

Instead, Kakashi pushes the now sticky bottle toward the kunoichi.

Sakura drinks straight from the bottle.

Later, cheek on his cool bathroom floor, he dreams he’s walking. He frowns. Kakashi’s not used to walking. He’s used to the crackling of the Chidori through warm, beating chests, to the hovering shadow of the Memorial Stone, to Obito smiling at him for the last time.

But the straight roads lay before him, like the lines he’s memorized by now, imprinted on the palm of his hand.


	6. When you're ready, please surrender

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If Kakashi relocates by the An gates for reading in his spare time, nobody comments on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huuuuge thank you to Milestogo56 (Pink_boxers_rainbow) for reading this chapter despite being a busy bee.  
> And of course thank you guys for reading and commenting, it warms my little heart every time I see a notification pop up on my screen ❤  
> On to the chapter! I promise, yummy stuff are coming!

If Kakashi relocates by the An gates for reading in his spare time, nobody comments on it. He’ll pick up a tree, not far from the road, and read on for hours until he’s summoned by the Hokage or until Izumo and Kotetsu’s loud bickering chases him off.

Two weeks after Naruto’s gone, Kakashi and Yamato are being briefed for a mission in Kiri.

‘’I want you two to spend two months in the Land of Water. This is a joint mission. You’ll investigate for any sign of rebellion or discontent from the population and report to the Mizukage. We don’t want a repeat of what happened with the Shintsuki. 

Yamato peers at his senpai with interest. The usually stoic ninja seems to vibrate with restlessness. Kakahsi’s eyelids are still dropping over disinterested eyes but his demeanour is all but. The jounin’s whole body seems to hum with restrained tension. Yamato bites his cheek. He would give a hand to know what would ruffle the feathers of an imperturbable creature such as Kakashi. 

Tsunade’s vibrant nails drum on the desk.

‘’Anything you want to say, Kakashi?’’ she asks forcibly, not blind either. 

Kakashi is silent for a moment, obviously trying to get himself under control. Then his shoulders drop, left eye closing out of habit over an absent sharingan.‘’Nothing, Hokage-sama,’’ he settles for.

Tsunade’s gaze follows the jounin as both ninjas head for the door. 

‘’Kakashi,’’ she calls as the knob creaks.

She’s smiling gently when the jounin turns around.

‘’I’ll contact you as soon as he comes home.’’

Yamato watches with amazement as his senpai’s whole body relaxes, the tightness around his eyes melting away. Thin eyebrows arch in surprise. Yamato’s pretty sure his senpai is at a loss for words.

The silver haired jounin bows with gratitude before exiting the room. 

***

The cloud of smoke hasn’t even cleared up that Pakkun’s aggravated grunt fills the small, quiet bay. 

‘’Again, boss, not that I don’t enjoy your company but I also have pups to take care of at home.’’ 

The wrinkled face of the pug displays an exasperation that’s usually reserved for exuberant genin. 

Kakashi doesn’t budge from the rock, body elegantly slouched over his book. 

‘’Maa, maa, such harsh words.’’

Pakkun trots to the side of the jounin, sitting squarely on a patch of dried moss. 

"I'm not a pet," he emphasizes drily.

Then, with a paw coming to rest on Kakashi's thigh. "What's on your mind?"

Onyx eyes stay fixed on the little green book.

‘’I just wanted to spend time with my favorite ninken, what’s wrong with that?’’

Pakkun’s little chest heaves with a sigh. 

‘’Kakashi. I don’t mind spending time with you. I do mind missing supper with my wife and kids because you want me to watch you read for hours. ‘’

Kakashi sighs.

"You're right, sorry for summoning you. You can go back."

Pakkun stares at the vast expanse of water before them. 

"What's bothering you?"

Kakashi hasn’t turned a page in a while, like he’s trying to draw answers from the familiar lines. He runs his fingers along the spine of the book pensively.

"I'm thinking about… redecorating."

Pakkun's deadpanned look bores into the jounin. He removes his paw carefully.

"Come again?"

Kakashi crosses his ankles, dropping _Icha Icha_ on the side. He exhales softly.

"I'm thinking about letting someone into my life."

Pakkun blinks slowly.

"You mean like sharing your life with that person?"

"Mmm mmm."

"Like the wife and I?"

".... mmm mmm."

"..."

"Don't stare at me like that."

"..."

"What?"

Pakkun's face splits into a toothy grin. He jumps on the jounin's shoulder, small nails gripping the jounin vest.

He bumps the side of Kakashi's head with his own.

"You've come a long way, Boss."

*** 

Kakashi adverts his face slightly as the meat hits the grill, dark clouds of smoke rising to sting his eyes. 

There’s a flash of green as Gai knocks back his cup of sake, then exclaims, a bit loudly, swinging his cup around ‘’How about a challenge, my friend?’’ 

Izumo munches on his own piece of meat with a smirk, while Kotetsu tries to hide (unsuccessfully) the bottle of sake. Kakashi’s bored gaze flickers from Gai’s unnaturally red face to the pale liquid sloshing around in the almost empty bottle stuck possessively against the man’s chest. 

Kotetsu huffs. ‘’You’re not seriously considering this, Kakashi? The man is drunk!’’ 

Izumo jabs him in the side, smile mischievous. ‘’Hush, I’m sure it’s not the first time.’’

Kakashi turns the meat with a flick of his wrist, considering. 

‘’Mmm. Why not? I think it was my turn to dec-‘’

Gai’s eyes sparkle dangerously and he turns abruptly on his wheels.

‘’My turn, dear friend! And we’re going rock climbing!’’

Izumo and Kotetsu stare open-mouthed as the green beast of Konoha veers his way toward the exit.

Kakashi’s eyes crease in that Kakashi-smile. 

‘’Well, I’ll leave you two to settle the bill, then. Jaa!’’

He’s already at the door when the duo’s spouted protests reach his ears.

Kakashi catches up with Gai outside the village. 

‘’You could’ve chosen a less flamboyant way to get me alone, you know,’’ says the jounin, lifting his head to scan the dense trees. 

Gai chuckles. 

‘’As expected from you, Kakashi.’’

Kakashi begins pushing the wheelchair along the dark path.

‘’I’ve seen you drunk multiple times. I also know you need much more than you’ve had tonight to get inebriated. 

Gai crosses his arms over his chest with a satisfied air.

‘’You know me too much, my friend.’’

An hour later, they stand at the foot of an impressive cliff.

‘’This can’t wait until tomorrow?’’ Kakashi drawls, eyeing the bright moon. 

Gai’s already out of his chair and hanging on the rock like a fly on a wall. 

‘’Are you running away?’’ Gai yells as he begins to move up the rock. 

Kakashi frowns, muscles tautening at the challenge.

‘’When am I not?’’ he mumbles more to himself while he begins climbing, on hand in his back.

When he reaches the top, his left arm is burning and he’s grazed his fingertips a long time ago. 

Nonetheless, he takes a deep breath as he stands, the vertiginously freeing feeling one always experiences above the world making him feel light and invincible all at once. 

Gai skips to Kakashi’s side, hooks an arm around his shoulders.

‘’So, are you and Naruto together now?’’

Kakashi hums, a smile playing on his clothed lips as he looks at the top of the trees disappearing in a sea of darkness. ‘’No. Not yet.’’

He wants to swallow the words back as soon as they’ve left his mouth. He chuckles, let’s himself flop down without a care for Gai’s balance. Kakashi lays back on his hands with a derisive smile, shaking his head. Gai’s won this one. 

His friend is looking at him with something akin to pity and aggravation.

‘’Gai, how can you possibly know anything about Naruto and I?’’ Kakashi asks, incredulous. 

For a split-second, Gai’s bursting with pride before he turns serious again. He sits awkwardly beside the silver-haired jounin.

‘’For anybody who’s paying attention it’s really hard to miss.’’

Kakashi’s fingers clench on the solid rock under him. Who else knew? He throws a hesitant look at his friend. Kakashi’s not used to talking about… any of this. 

He decides it’s worth it.

‘’One day I’m ready to purchase a bigger bed and the next one I’m the pervy old man who’s going to ruin Naruto’s future. ‘’

A warm breeze ruffles the rare weeds growing on the plateau. Kakashi scoffs. 

‘’I’m not really sure who I’m supposed to be anymore.’’

Guy stays silent for a long time. Kakashi almost thinks his friend’s forgotten about him. Then Gai smiles and turns to the jounin confidently. 

‘’Well, for one, you’re my closest friend.’’

Kakashi’s glad for the mask that hides his fond smile. 

Gai turns back to staring at the sky. Kakashi can see the light of the moon reflected on the top of the black head.

‘’ I agree that this isn’t an… ideal relationship. Lots of people will want you dead.’’

Kakashi’s had more or less the same depressing thoughts. 

‘’But I think it suits you. This relationship. It suits the both of you,’’ Gai continues. ‘’A ninja’s life isn’t easy. Yours and Naruto’s haven’t been easy by any means. It’s just an extension of that. How can you settle for simplicity when all you’ve known is nuances and intricacies? You need someone who can match you, match every one of your layers. 

Kakashi looks at Gai like he’s grown a second head. 

‘’You’ve thought about it a lot…’’ says the silver-haired jounin, feeling a bit dazed.

Gai’s teeth flash under the moonlight. Kakashi instinctively leans back a little. 

‘’Not really. It’s really quite simple when you think about it.’’

Kakashi still isn’t convinced. 

‘’He’s young, Gai, really young,’’

Gai tsks like this isn’t an important fact, like Kakashi hasn’t been avoiding looking at himself in mirrors lately. 

His friend shakes his head firmly.

‘Not considering everything he’s been through, no.’’

Then Kakashi breaks. 

‘’I wasn’t enough for my dad to want to stick around,’’ he begins with a gravelly voice. ‘’I killed my two best friends. One of them turned out to be a mastermind in the execution of a madman’s plan to rule the world. I didn’t do a thing to prevent my sensei, (who’s child I’m lusting after) and his wife (whom I was instructed by said sensei to protect) to be killed, because of said best friend who died because of me. I have more but I wouldn’t want to seem too dramatic,’’ Kakashi finishes with a dry smile.

Gai seems to be mulling this over for a moment, frowning. Then he shrugs. 

‘’Good thing that the boy’s nearly invincible, then.’’

***

Naruto turns 20.

Kakashi sits by the fire, alone.

***

When Kakashi learns of Naruto’s return, he’s conferring with Yamato near the Hokage tower, arms crossed loosely over his chest, leaning against the trunk of a large tree. 

‘’The last messenger didn’t carry anything alarming,’’ says Yamato in a low voice, head bent with the silver haired jounin’s over a scroll. ‘’However, this last island we visited was recently – ‘’

‘’Sasuke-kun! Naruto!’’

A flash of pink rushes past them at full speed, leaving a cloud of dust in its wake.

Yamato waves a hand in front of his face absent-mindedly to dismiss the dust. He’s however forced to admit that he might as well be talking to a statue. Kakashi has gone rigid, ears clearly trained on the small group that’s gathering further down the street. What’s showing of his face has gone blank. 

‘’Senpai?’’

When there’s no answer, Yamato straightens up, turning toward the approaching group. His face breaks into an easy smile as he spots a blond head and a dark one being surrounded by fellow ninjas and curious passersby. When he turns back, Kakashi has regained his impassive stance, going as far as getting _Icha_ _Icha_ out and absorbing himself in its torrid story. Yamato is puzzled, even more so when the small group stops in front of them. Naruto has a determined look on his face. The only time Yamato’s seen the blond’s eyes so intense was when he was learning a new jutsu. 

‘’Hi, Yamato-sensei. Kakashi…-sensei.’’

Yamato tugs at the neck of his jounin’s vest uncomfortably. Kakashi’s gaze lingers on his book for a moment, as if finishing a sentence, before lifting to the jinchuriki. Yamato tugs even more at his vest. The whole group has fallen silent, even Kiba.

‘’Yo,’’ Kakashi says at last.

At one point, Yamato has to quash the urge to burst out laughing from nervousness. His legs are shaking when Kakashi finally says: ‘’Welcome back, Naruto.’’ 

His smooth voice does nothing to alleviate the inexplicable tension. Yamato suddenly really doesn’t want to be there, after all.

Then Sasuke pushes Naruto, who stumbles on his feet. 

‘’We have to report to the Godaime, we’re late.’’

It’s as if everybody releases a collective breath. 

‘’There’ll be a party to celebrate Naruto’s return!’’ Kiba all but yells excitedly, as the group walks away, Akamaru barking his approval.

Then there’s a faint crackle of electricity at Yamato’s back. He quickly looks between the suddenly murderous-looking Kakashi and Naruto. 

The earth user can’t see anything out of the ordinary. There’s only the Hyuuga girl with her hand clutching the village hero’s sleeve, blush high on her cheeks.

***

Naruto’s welcome back party is held the next night, in a crowded bar Kakashi’s never set foot into. But Tsunade’s recommended it, and even though the place and date are supposed to be kept confidential, soon half of the village’s trying to cram itself into the small place. Naruto himself is swamped with multiple warm welcomes and claps on the shoulder. 

Later, when Hinata shows up, Kakashi traces her hesitant steps with his heart in his throat as they inevitably lead her to the jinchuriki. Then, there’s the heartbreaking sight of Hinata crying and of Naruto trying to apologize for a fault that ain’t his and of Hinata only crying harder. 

Kakashi’s drink is bitter on his tongue.

Naruto’s face looks pained long after she leaves. When he lifts his face and Kakashi is caught staring there’s no questioning the bone-deep longing in those sober, honest blue eyes. Kakashi’s senses are suddenly overwhelmed with the vision of the river gliding on sun-kissed skin, with the thick smell of burning firewood and crackling pine needles, with the memory of a sleepy smile and crinkling eyes at two a.m. on the porch of the Hatake compounds. He’s flooded with a warmth that has nothing to do with the heat of the bodies gathered around them. His throat closes up and works around a silent prayer. As in a dream, Naruto begins to walk toward him. Kakashi drains the rest of his drink with a trembling hand, not turning away from the blond as he slowly puts his mask back into place. Ino waltz out of nowhere to latch herself happily -and drunkenly- around the young man’s shoulders. Like the true ninja that he is, he redirects her adroitly at Sai without breaking his stride. With every step forward, the walls around Kakashi’s heart throb and crack until he almost wishes he could soothe the ache with a Chidori. Although, if he were honest, he would say they’ve been throbbing and cracking for quite some time. Then, Naruto is standing right in front of him, face set with determination and Kakashi _fears_. There’s no trace of the loud-mouthed and hyperactive twelve-years old boy he met 8 years ago. It’s a man who reaches out and touches his arm. It’s a man who declares with a heat that has de Copycat-nin shook to his very core, ‘’I’m tired of running, Kakashi. Aren’t you?’’


	7. With shortness of breath, you explained the infinite - I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Naruto comes home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's here! I'm so sorry for the wait, this chapter was unexpectedly harder to write than I thought.  
> Again, thank you for your patience, for reading and telling me what you think ❤  
> And just... Milestogo56 (Pink_boxers_rainbow). Do I need to say more?

Kakashi doesn’t remember what he says. He doesn’t remember setting his glass down, nor making his exit. He only remembers the moving fabric of Naruto’s vibrant vest as the jinchuriki walks ahead of him, the way the jounin wants to grab his hand to prevent him from moving too far up ahead. They end up in the alley behind the bar, with the laughs of strangers and friends trapped behind them. The coolness of the night air is a pleasant contrast to the stifling warmth of the establishment. Kakashi just stands there, with Naruto’s arm pressed against his, and all he wants is to put his palm against the blond’s. He wants to go down the same familiar roads over and over again, find solace in the lines he’s been following in his dreams. 

‘’So,’’ Naruto asks, voice mingling with the frantic flight of a moth as it dances around the light above their head. "Did you have enough space?"

Kakashi wants to say a lot of things. He wants to say _I’m sorry I’ve put you through this_ , he wants to say _I might screw this up_. He wants to say _I’ve needed you for a long time now_ and _Please can you stay?_

Instead, what he says is ‘’I bought a bigger bed’’, and there’s hope in his voice.

Naruto only blinks up at him. ‘’Oh?’’ he breathes, like he's not sure of what it could mean.

This time, it’s Kakashi who brings his hands up to his mask. It’s Kakashi who pulls the piece of cloth down to his jaw, scar a deep, purple red and eyes almost black under the flickering light. It’s Kakashi who frames the young man’s face with his hands, thumbs brushing whiskered cheeks and tan skin before finally bringing their lips together. 

Naruto’s mind goes completely blank. He’s dreamed of this moment -literally dreamed about it, imagined over and over how it would go- for years, but now he just can’t process what’s happening. Kakashi kisses like he’s taking his first breath of fresh air in a long, long time, tension in the Copy-nin’s shoulders easing as he inches irresistibly closer to Naruto, straight nose pressing into the blond's cheekbone. Naruto feels his cheeks growing incredibly warm, mouth opening in surprise and oh.

 _Oh_.

There’s definitely another tongue in his mouth now. Kakashi’s tongue.

This time, Naruto’s not half-drunk on grief, he’s not just killed hundreds of men. He’s not desperate for a touch of humanity, for some semblance of escape. This time, Naruto’s been waiting exactly for that, for the ferocious joy waking in his gut at the touch of another man - this man, who he’s been wanting for so long. Naruto’s hands clutch the jounin’s arms, knees going unexpectedly weak. Kakashi kisses just like he fights. Intensely yet in control, commanding without even trying to. Naruto feels dizzy with want. Never one to watch from the sidelines, the blond chases the bitter taste of liquor in Kakashi’s mouth. He finds that he really, really likes exploring the jounin’s mouth, getting a surprised moan in return. The sound has Naruto panting. He’s the one who made Kakashi _moan_. Naruto feels invincible. The jounin backs him up against the door with a forceful push of his body, but Naruto’s not complaining, even with the hinges digging in his back. The silver haired man is pressed flush against him, and it’s the most fantastic feeling in the world. Naruto can’t help the grin growing on his face in between kisses. He doesn’t remember the last time he’s felt this exhilarated, this happy. The jounin pulls back with an inarticulate _Huh?_ when he realizes he’s kissing more teeth than lips. He’s blinking owlishly, eyes still glazed over, panting against Naruto’s lips. 

_Beautiful_ , the jinchuriki’s mind supplies a small burst of clarity.

Naruto doesn’t say _I love you_. He’s not that foolish, even if he’s known it for a while. 

Instead, he lets a clear laugh escape him, laughing until his vision goes blurry. He can’t help it. He’s trying to reign in a particularly unattractive giggle when Kakashi’s hands drop from his face.

The jounin looks almost offended. ‘’It was that bad?’’

Naruto can’t help but snort harder. 

‘’Sorry!’’ he exclaims, grabbing the front of Kakashi’s vest as the jounin pulls away. ‘’Sorry! I’m sorry, it wasn’t bad. At all.’’

Naruto rubs at his eyes with one last giggle, wiping the unshed tears. ‘’I’m so sorry…’’

He finally gets himself under control. 

Naruto places his hands on the deflated jounin’s shoulders, kisses the spot under the mole longingly because he can’t help it. _So incredibly beautiful, that mask is such a shame_. ‘’I’m sorry. It wasn’t bad, I was just too happy, I couldn’t contain myself.’’

Well, count on him to kill the mood.

Kakashi shakes his head, seemingly thorn between disbelief and amazement. Naruto can't stop grinning. Then Kakashi chuckles in answer, tugging gently at the blond's sleeve. 

"So we can do this again, then?" Kakashi asks, mirth playing in the dark waters of his eyes.

Naruto doesn't have time to answer before Kakashi's mouth claims his once more and he forgets how to breath all over again.

The jinchuriki doesn't hear the satisfied rumble in the back of his mind.

_Told you, kiddo._

***

Naruto tries to lure Kakashi to his place with ramen. Needless to say, it doesn't work. 

"I did buy a bigger bed," Kakashi argues, making his point with a soft bite to the blond's neck before putting his mask back into place.

He watches in amusement as Naruto, flushed, seems to realize the meaning of such an act. 

"Well, hum, it's good, then, bigger is always good-"

Naruto's blue eyes widen exponentially in horror at his own words, cheeks now a bright red. "Wait, that's not-" 

Kakashi, laughing openly now, quickly drags the jinchuriki after him.

***

They do make it to Kakashi's house, but they don't make it to the bed. 

By the time they've gone past the abandoned rice fields pathing the way to the front of the house, Naruto feels like he might combust. He doesn't notice the fireflies almost lighting the way for them. All he can hear is Kakashi's breathing beside him, feel the warmth of his body in spite of the space between them. Kakashi walks up to the front porch in silence, but he grabs Naruto's hand as he slides the door open and steps into the dark house. When the door closes behind him, Naruto blinks to make out Kakashi's darker frame. They don't say anything. 

They don't need to.

***

Naruto learns a few things. He learns that you can thirst for one's body just as much as you crave water after running all day under Suna's sun (or even more). He learns that clothes can become your worst enemy and greatest frustration at once. He learns that even in the eye of the storm, Kakashi is patient, Kakashi is kind, that even when the jounin’s hands are shaking with restraint on Naruto's stomach, they can make sense of the most complex clothing arrangement, they can still seek and register all the little spots that have the jinchuriki panting and twisting against the wall.

Naruto learns new rhythms. He learns that he can make Kakashi move with a sense of urgency when he lets his hands roam freely on all that scarred skin, fingers dipping slightly below the line of the jounin’s belt. He learns that Kakashi’s particularly fond of burying his face into Naruto’s neck when the tension in his body grows to be too much, and Naruto learns to stop, learns to pause and to wait and let the storm pass. It's new, finding pleasure in waiting. Finding pleasure in holding Kakashi like a bubble between his hands. He learns that he doesn't control anything at all, all things considered, that when Kakashi finally grabs his ass and pulls the blond flush against himself, Naruto can only move and hold on until he suddenly can’t, world tipping on its axis and exploding in thousands of blinding colors. And throughout everything, Kakashi’s ragged breath is anchoring him, always. 

They slide down the wall in a tangle of limbs, sweat cooling on their heaving chests. As Naruto catches his breath, world made of cicadas and fireflies again, the last months of wandering with Sasuke come back to him, like small waves crashing gently on the shore. He remembers late nights under the stars with silent company to grieve and to yearn. Late nights anchored to a fire to keep himself from turning back and losing himself all over again.

Naruto’s content smile gets lost into sweaty grey hair as blue eyes slide shut, having finally found their peace.

It really is a beautiful night. For the first time in twenty years, Naruto's coming home to someone.

‘’Tadaima,’’ he says to the dark.

***

They do make it to the bed. Eventually. After a not so brief trip to the shower. The shower with a new plumbing. An unresisting and hot water friendly plumbing. 

‘’You fixed the shower too?’’ Naruto asks, flabbergasted, trying not to ogle Kakashi as the man starts working on his belt, not ashamed in the least of the wet spot darkening the front of his pants. Naruto's gaze hoovers over two wide, white scars that cross the jounin’s stomach and chest, stretching and rippling over muscles as the silver-haired man slid the clothes down his legs.

"I had a lot of time to think," Kakashi muses as he steps under the water, and Naruto's answer gets lost in a gurgling noise as he can't help but stare at the pale, muscular line of the man's ass. 

Naruto quickly brings the back of his hand over his mouth. Wait, drool? He wipes the evidence as discreetly as possible, the mess in his own pants uncomfortable enough to make him discard the clothing as fast as he can. 

It's a few minutes before any of them break the comfortable silence. 

"Thinking makes you want to repair stuff?" Naruto inquires while pushing his wet hair back.

Kakashi steps closer to him with the bar of soap, a cloud of mist rising around them.

"Thinking about you, yes," Kakashi murmurs as he begins cleaning the younger man. 

Naruto swallows as the jounin's hands follow the inevitable dip of his pelvis and close around his soft cock for a moment, soap foaming and water dripping. There's no heat to the stroke, the gesture soothing rather than alluring, hand then moving to the stomach and the hips in an equally calming rhythm. However, Naruto being young and healthy, it's not long before he begins to squirm into place, member thickening between them. When it brushes against Kakashi's thigh, Naruto jumps.

"Sorry, I, hum, I can't help it," he mumbles, cheeks too red for the temperature of the water and decidedly looking at an intricate pattern of rivulets on the wall, far over the jounin's shoulder.

He doesn't expect for Kakashi to roll his own hips against his languidly, the contact delicious and electrifying. He doesn’t expect the husky growl of the man's voice in his ear either. 

"Don't ever think I wouldn't want you, Naruto."

He certainly doesn't expect for Kakashi to drop to his knees right in front of him, the spray of the shower hitting the jounin's back and shoulders in a mesmerizing cascade. Again, the silver-haired man blows up his expectations when he nuzzles the dripping blond curls, lips ghosting over the length of his cock. Naruto instantly grabs onto the wall, not trusting his legs, deciding that if this is a dream he's not waking up, that yes, he gets all the hype about the infinite tsukuyomi. 

"Ngh."

He grabs onto the jounin's hair and tugs, wanting to ask Kakashi if he's alright, if he's ok, because his mouth just kinda fell on his dick right now and holy -

Naruto's vision goes blank for a moment, the sensations overwhelming. He doesn't realize he's thrusting sharply into the wonderfully hot cavern that's engulfed him until two firm hands grab his hips to keep them into place, thumbs rubbing soothing circular motions on his skin.

"Oh, oh…"

Naruto doesn't chase his pleasure. He's the prey and Kakashi's the hunter. For the second time tonight, Naruto feels the familiar pressure barreling into his body, incredible warmth sizzling at his core.

His fingers tighten into the grey hair in a futile warning, an incoherent mess of mumbles tumbling past his twisted lips. He curls on himself and around the both of them, suspended in a blinding pleasure. 

Kakashi doesn't tell him to let go, doesn't let go either. He grabs onto Naruto's thighs, lips tightening and tongue stroking. Just when Naruto thinks he might die, might be blown apart from the fire bursting into each and every one of his cells, there’s a sudden and firm, kneading pressure behind his balls. 

Naruto registers a scream echoing against the earth colored walls. It might have been his. When he comes back to himself, he’s kneeling and Kakashi’s looking at him with a soft smile, eyes holding so much warmth the jinchuriki is momentarily thrown back to a few years back, to when he’d looked properly at Kakashi-sensei for the very first time.

‘’Wha-,’’ he pants, throat parched in spite of the thick mist in the air. ‘’What was that?’’ 

Kakashi chuckles, leaving one last kiss on Naruto’s sternum before helping the younger man on the side of the adjacent tub. Naruto lets his head roll back against the wall, feeling like he’s never going to be able to move one finger again, like he’ll never be able to perform another jutsu again. 

‘’What did you do to me?’’ he asks, incredulity battling with glee. 

Kakashi attempts to lift the blond’s bandaged arm and wash him one more time. 

‘’So, this was your first blowjob, I gather?’’ he asks with a side smile.

Naruto recovers enough to be able to hold himself without the help of the wall. 

‘’Yeah, first whatever, really.’’

Kakashi’s scrubbing halts briefly, but not long enough for Naruto’s comatose brain to notice it. 

And then they finally do make it to the bed.

***

The next few days are a blur. It seems to Naruto that he's thinking about Kakashi all. the. time. He's also smiling all. the. time. And not at the most appropriate moments. Really, glowing with joy as an old lady breaks her hip right in front of you is bound to attract a few offended looks. 

Naruto also holds his own pretty well against Lee's taijutsu. Well, longer than usual. 

And he hums. A lot. 

"Stop that," Sasuke admonishes him as they head for the hospital, "It's creepy."

***

Naruto tries not to be a clinging… boyfriend? Boy friend? Partner? The blond shakes his head as he leans against the bright railing of the bridge, dragging the tip of his sandaled toes against the planks. It's been three days since their first night together -cue blushing. 

He hasn’t seen the silver-haired man since. Maybe because Kakashi's still on his mission.

Naruto’s eyes lose their focus as he recalls the tousled look of his ex-sensei as the jounin rolled out of the bed gloriously naked, heading for the summoning hawk perched cautiously on the dresser. Kakashi had left with a minty kiss, inviting the young man to sleep as long as needed and to use the house for as long as he was gone. Naruto had ventured into the quiet halls alone, opening doors that had led to wide, empty rooms that seemed unused, tatamis immaculate and smelling of fresh hay. He'd lingered in warm spots of sunlight, fingers grazing the immaculate walls, trying to imagine a young and proud Kakashi walking down the hall with eight young pups in tow. 

While rummaging through the cupboards for something to eat, he'd discovered the concrete proof that Kakashi really wanted him there. Between the numerous pots and packs of teas was an unmistakable stack of ramen. Naruto had stared at the colorful packages for a long time, the sun warming the back of his neck.

Naruto closes his eyes and rests his cheek on his arm, smiling as the wind ruffles his hair.

***

‘’You know, I appreciate you wanting to help out with the paperwork, but you’ve been doing nothing but staring at the door every two minutes for the whole evening,’’ Shikamaru drawls, rubbing the end of the pen against his temple, clearly annoyed. 

Naruto wipes his head back to stare at his friend, who’s fixing on him a calculative look that Naruto really, really doesn’t like. 

‘’I… I am?’’ he sputters in spite of himself. 

Damn. He thought he was being discreet. 

‘’Even Choji’s noticed. And he’s been here for a total of 7 minutes.’’ 

Naruto lets out an embarrassed laugh, rubbing at his neck. Well, if Choji’s noticed...

‘’Wow, I guess I must be really tired, huh?’’ 

Naruto focuses on the stack of papers in front of him, feeling a trickle of sweat running down his spine. He has to be really careful. 

‘’So,’’ he asks after the genius’s resumed his work, ‘’How’s it going with Temari?’’

Shikamaru doesn’t even lift his head. ‘’Let’s see, who’s out on a mission today? You disappeared pretty quickly on the night of your party...’’

Naruto scrambles out. 

***

Naruto considers heading to Ichiraku’s, mumbling to himself about how scary Shikamaru’s brain is, but he decides against it, not trusting himself to act normally around people. He then turns toward the training grounds, but it’s getting late and he doesn’t want to run into anybody else for the rest of the day. The blond concedes that a quiet night in with his favorite cup of ramen and some meditation is a safer choice. 

_With the way you’re bouncing and oozing glitter, everybody’s gonna know you had some._

Naruto trips over a non-existing crack in the pavement and ends up falling flat on his face. 

A nice lady, mom of four, apparently, helps him up, tuting about young men and early drinking.

He thanks her awkwardly, ears burning as he pats himself clean and resumes walking. Naruto speeds up when her smallest asks in confusion ‘’What was Naru-ni-chan doing on the ground?’’

‘’Kurama!’’ Naruto shouts in the back of his mind, pointing an accusing finger at the demon fox.

Kurama, punching the ground, is laughing so hard he can’t breathe. 

Naruto runs all the way home.

He's too caught up in his argument with the fox to notice the tall figure leaning leisurely beside his door. 

"Home late?" 

The jinchuriki stops dead in his tracks, because this is the voice he’s been missing for the last three days, this is the man whose shadow he’s been seeking in the trees of Konoha. Small bundles of nerves uncoil and loosen under Naruto’s skin, little _what if_ s and _please, be safe_ s, their roots spreading deeper and deeper still. Naruto tries to reign in the absurdly wide smile that has his cheeks hurting, but he’s not successful in the least. 

‘’I was looking for you at the Hokage tower, you know?’’

Naruto gets his keys out with affected nonchalance, body drawn to his ex-sensei’s like a magnet. ‘’Thought you’d report first.’’

There are knuckles caressing Naruto’s arm as the blond pushes the door open, the touch disarmingly tender. 

Kakashi follows the jinchuriki into the apartment, eyes boring into the younger man’s.

‘’Reports can wait.’’ 


	8. With shortness of breath, you explained the infinite - II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi wakes up slowly, as if coming up from deep waters. He's curled around a warm body, even though something tells him it should be the other way around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the delay, guys, unfortunately real life was keeping me pretty busy but things are slowing down a bit (or so I hope). Also I always struggle with the sexy parts *blush*.  
> Thank you to everyone for the nice reviews and the kuddos, they warm my little heart so much!  
> And again, I don't know what I would do without Milestogo56 (Pink_boxers_rainbow), she's my rock!

Kakashi wakes up slowly, as if coming up from deep waters. He's curled around a warm body, even though something tells him it should be the other way around. The jounin's limbs feel heavy and light all at once, as if they were made of lead and air, mind calm and peaceful. He doesn't remember the last time he's slept so soundly. The village is quiet and no light is hitting his lids. Still the middle of the night, then. The jounin breathes in, burying his face deeper into soft hair. He groans longingly. Naruto. Fingertips twitch possessively on the blond's stomach. The jinchuriki smells of sleep and ink and of the Naras' strong jasmine tea, and underneath it all, there's his own distinctive smell, one Kakashi could pick out in a sea of men. Kakashi registers the information subconsciously, still floating between oblivion and consciousness. He sighs, fingers painting incoherent patterns around Naruto's navel, the blond mumbling appreciatively in his sleep. There are toes traveling up and down Kakashi's heel, then his calf, pausing as Naruto drifts off to sleep again. Kakashi flexes his buttocks with a muted grunt, his cock filling slowly as it teases the crease of Naruto's ass, the end of each one of Kakashi's nerves coming deliciously alive. The jounin breathes in again, as if wishing he could get drunk on the blond's smell. He grabs an ankle between his own, sheets twisting around their feet as he thrusts leisurely against the firm muscles. For once, Kakashi's not thinking. Electricity is singing under his skin, his chakra alive and infinite, the scent hugging him so right he could close his eyes and lay down at its owner's feet for the rest of his life. 

Kakashi's hand moves from the flat stomach to the blurred lines of a hip, solid like the reassuring wall of rock surrounding Konoha. The ass against his cock is slowly starting to answer his thrusts as the blond stretches against Kakashi, rhythm sloppy and half-off with sleep. Still, the blond _mewls_ , faintly, when Kakashi's mouth closes on the skin at the back of his neck. Kakashi pushes more firmly against the young man, toes curling at the wave of pleasure rippling through him. Naruto's bandaged hand shoots out to grip at the jounin's ass, pressing him even more urgently against his own, frustration clear in the thighness of his back. Kakashi presses his mouth against Naruto's ear, murmuring soothingly until the tension has gone. Protests rise again as Kakashi arches back to investigate momentarily the content of Naruto's nightstand. Even if all the jinchuriki had in mind for years was training and ramen, there should be… Yes. Kakashi wastes no time in popping the small bottle open, halting Naruto's impatience by covering the junction between his shoulder and the prosthetic arm in kisses. The blond jumps under his touch, thoroughly distracted, while Kakashi's now slick hand opens Naruto's thighs, coating the inside of the taunt muscles with a gentle touch. Naruto halts under Kakashi's attention, clearly confused, but Kakashi smiles, hiding his face in the blond hair as his hand gives into the temptation. Naruto cusses, body caught between the urge to trust into the hand between his legs or back into Kakashi, and the jounin gets almost lost into the feeling of the silky, sliding skin against his palm, into the increasingly breathy moans ricocheting endlessly against the walls. There's never been more beautiful music to the jounin's ears. 

"Naruto," Kakashi pants, "Open your legs for me. Good. Squeeze."

Kakashi feels like he might pass out from pleasure. His cock, trapped between Naruto's thighs, is nestled firmly against the blond's perineum, gliding along the muscles in a maddening tightness. Kakashi's not smiling anymore. With each trust, the tip of his cock hits Naruto's balls, their sack heavy and soon wet with precome and lube. Naruto meets every one of his trusts as if his life depended on it, skin glistening in the darkness. It's all Kakashi's ever dreamed about. It's all he's ever wanted. He closes his eyes, trying his best to match his thrusts with his hand, heat everywhere in him and around him. Naruto's squeezing his thighs and bearing down on Kakashi with short, beautiful gasps that makes something painfully poignant clench in the jounin's belly.

And there it is, the first whisper of those words Kakashi's never ever uttered out loud, never manifested by anything other than actions. 

Kakashi's overwhelmed with a surge of _something_ he has a hard time to define.

He comes without a warning, and it's long and torturous, pleasure touching his soul like a balm, like something beautiful and fundamentally _good_. 

Kakashi doesn't move for a while, Naruto's form shuddering against him. The white of the night recedes to black again, the warm liquid in his hand cooling and clutching to his skin in a familiar way. He moves his dry tongue against his palate, relishing in the feeling of Naruto's cock going softer until it can fit in the jounin's palm. 

When Naruto turns around, eyes the color of the night when the very first stars appear, Kakashi knows he would do anything for him at this very moment, blindly, no questions asked.

So when Naruto searches his eyes, his own eyelids drooping slightly as he asks "What are we, Kakashi?", the silver-haired jounin can only give him his most honest answer.

"Everything."

***

The second time Kakashi wakes up, it's with the vague recollection of Naruto's clone rubbing his fingers clean with a damp towel while the real Naruto had his shower's plumbing signing. Kakashi had fallen asleep fixing the small ray of light coming from the bathroom, lulled by the domestic sounds flowing from the other side of the door.

"So I guess you don't snore, huh?" a gravelly voice mumbles in his back.

Kakashi turns without haste, still feeling groggy after the most refreshing sleep he’s had in a long time. Midday summer sky eyes greet him, their owner stark naked and all ruffled from sleep, basking in the morning sun. Kakashi reaches for the light, thumb rubbing small circles on the warm skin of the jinchuriki's shoulder.

Kakashi leans over, lips replacing fingers for a brief moment.

‘’Mmm?’’

"Well," Naruto explains, pulling the sheets higher over them, "I thought it was only because we were on missions and it was just another one of your superpowers, but you really _don't_ snore. Not even at home."

 _Home_.

The word resonates at the back of the jounin’s mind with a new meaning.

Kakashi's hand settles on the blond's hip, one of its favorite places already. Naruto hooks one of his legs over the jounin's, muscles flexing under Kakashi's hand until their hips are angled just right.

"Well, it’s not like there would be a lot of people to tell me." Kakashi drawls, still entranced by the halo of light crowning the blond head. 

Naruto blinks quickly, lashes bright and chaotic, like all of Naruto’s character. The jinchuriki suddenly sits against the headboard, apparently mulling Kakashi's words over and not concerned in the least to have his midsection so close to the jounin's face. Still, Kakashi follows, more slowly, balancing himself warily on the edge of the mattress. 

"So," Naruto begins, voice wavering with unease, "Did you have a lot?" 

Kakashi shifts closer to Naruto, feeling less like he’s on the verge of falling every second. 

"A lot of what?"

He sees Naruto's Adam’s apple working as the blond's fingers skitter nervously along the comforter. 

"You know, erm, this." He says with a vague gesture at them, at the bed, at them in the bed. "Hum. Nights with men. Or women. Or relationships, you know." 

Kakashi can almost see the questions firing in the blond's head, red blush dusting the sun-kissed neck but blue eyes full of determination. The jounin scratches his disheveled hair, looks up at the cracked ceiling. Considering Naruto's words from last night, this must have been bothering the young man a lot. 

‘’Well, hitting puberty in the Anbu does make the experience as bad as it sounds.’’

Naruto’s jaw drops open.

‘’Wait, that’s not-’’ 

‘’Still, it’s true.’’ Kakashi murmurs, lost in memories. ‘’I didn’t have any interest in sex, or in anyone for that matter, for a long time.’’ 

Naruto doesn’t say anything, only looks at the silver-haired jounin with solemn eyes. 

"As I already expressed, I have my doubts concerning my abilities to be a decent partner to you.’’

Before Naruto can retort hotly, the jounin continues. ‘’I used a book as a first connection to anything sexual, feeling too guilty to even pleasure myself. I soon discovered it could also serve as a rampart against me and the world. I was called the Friend-killer for a while, after all. These books became a clutch, then they turned into a habit. And here we are."

Naruto crosses his arm over his torso, a thoughtful noise escaping his lips. 

‘’Do you even enjoy them?’’

Kakashi stretches, his lower back popping with a satisfying noise. He gets off the bed, starts looking for his briefs absentmindedly. 

‘’I do. In a way they were my first mistresses. They got me through a lot. Never betrayed me.’’

Naruto’s looking really unsure, suddenly, with something like possessiveness laced around his words.

‘’Should I be worried about, ehm, them?’’

Kakashi pauses, the thin black clothes halfway up his thighs. He quickly finishes putting his briefs on, walks toward the bed, towering over the hero of the shinobi world. The unhappy line of Naruto's mouth suddenly reminds the jounin of Big, of the way his jaw would lock on an enemy in almost a deadly pout. Kakashi chuckles softly, kneels right beside the most powerful beast’s jinchuriki. Kakashi cups his face fondly, fingers disappearing into sunny locks. They lock eyes. 

‘’Naruto. They’re books, you know?’’ 

***

It’s only when Naruto’s halfway to the cemetery, intending to visit Iruka for a bit, that he realizes Kakashi hasn't answered his question. Not really.

***

‘’Say, Sakura-chan.’’

Sakura has her eyes closed in bliss, munching happily on a dango.

‘’Mmm?’’

Naruto lets his chin rest in his palm, playing with his own dango stick. He can hear Anko’s loud and predatory laugh near the counter.

‘’What is it?’’ Sakura asks again around the sweet.

Naruto’s attention snaps back to his friend. There are now gentle, emerald eyes fixed on him, pink eyebrows raised in questioning. 

Naruto crosses and uncrosses his feet under the table, briefly wonders if he’s going to lose another limb soon. 

‘’How do you define yours and Sasuke’s relationship?’’

Sakura’s eyebrows go infinitely higher, until the diamond-shaped jewel on her forehead has disappeared under her fringe. 

She lowers her last dango back on her plate, crosses her arms on the table pensively. 

‘’I think I’ve stopped defining our relationship a long time ago," she muses. "To be honest, there was a long time where we didn’t even have one.’’ she adds, a little sadly. 

Then she shakes her head and perks up again.

‘’Why are you asking? It’s not like you to wonder about such things.’’ she probs, poking his real arm good-naturedly. 

Naruto huffs, indignant, pokes her back without thinking about the consequences. 

‘’What are you talking about? How do you think I’ve been able to convey my feelings to Sasuke?’’

Luckily for him, Sakura’s in a good mood. She only scoffs, still not impressed.

‘’Exactly, you usually prefer to deal with your emotions by beating each other up.’’ 

Naruto grins sheepishly, almost retorts that sometimes (still, less lately) she also falls in that category. As he opens his mouth to defend himself, the blue norens at the entrance of the shop shift to reveal Kiba, followed by Shino and Sai.

‘’We found this guy lurking around the Yamanaka’s shop, so we decided to bring him with us.’’

‘’I was not ’lurking around’ ‘’ Sai argues calmly, sitting beside Naruto. 

Naruto would’ve believed him if it hadn’t been for the light blush on his cheeks.

Sakura giggles at the sight, the other two boys settling on each of her sides. 

‘’She sounded fine this morning though, she’ll be alright,’’ assures the kunoichi.

‘’Huh? What happened?’’ Naruto asks, staring at a snickering Kiba, while a slight frown settles itself on Sai’s otherwise imperturbable face. 

"Ino went slightly wild at your party, Naruto," the pink-haired kunoichi explains. "She couldn't get out of bed for days. Luckily for her, my recovery drink is particularly effective-" 

Naruto's eyes are momentarily drawn to Kiba mouthing _revolting_ non-so subtlety behind his hand.

" -and she looked completely fine when I checked on her this morning." 

"Wait," Naruto says, alarm bells going off in his head, "Wasn't Ino in charge of watching Lee?" Naruto's eyes go wide. "Was the bar destroyed?"

He hasn't heard anything about it!

"Relax, Naruto," Kiba says while stealing the rest of the blond's dango. "Tenten and Choji took over. Although they did have to spend the night close to the food."

Naruto deflates with relief, patting Akamaru's head affectionately, the giant dog's snout hidden in his side.

Shino breaks the silence.

"Speaking of which, Naruto, I wanted to welcome you properly at the party, since we didn't see each other for a long time, but my bugs couldn't find you. At all. Didn't you want to see me? I thought we were friends-"

Shino's rambling gets cut off by Sakura. 

"I'm sure Naruto just wasn't feeling good after seeing Hinata cry like that. Of course that was the right thing to do if he doesn't have feelings for her, but still, you never want to hurt your friends like that."

Naruto looks at his old friend in surprise, actually touched that Sakura didn't assume, like everyone else, that he was in love with Hinata.

"Akamaru says you're smelling an awful lot like Kakashi-sensei."

Naruto jumps in his seat, away from the giant dog, almost knocking Sai off the bench. His hand goes up to rub at the back of his neck, quickly looking for an escape.

 _You're not getting yourself out of that one, kit._

Naruto purposefully ignores the fox, face growing ten times redder and starting to sweat profusely.

"Ah, haha, well, we've been spending a lot of time together during this last week, you know?"

Kiba's canine eyes don't leave him, Akamaru's whines sounding like a death sentence to Naruto. The jinchuriki stops breathing.

Everybody stares at the dog. Finally, Kiba enunciates the words like he doesn't believe them either, eyes blinking with incomprehension. 

"Care to explain why your butt of all places smells like him?"

The faces of his friends (and Shino's too, Naruto assume) go completely blank. 

_I'm really glad I stayed, I don't know where I would've heard that one_.

The voices of the other patrons, the bustling of life around them is buzzing around the small group like they're not part of it, almost comically so. Four faces stay fixed on Naruto, shock written all over them, waiting.

Then Naruto can't stand it any longer. He springs to his feet, points an accusing finger at Akamaru, who's licking his front paws with delight.

"I showered, you know!!!"

That was apparently not the thing to say. Or to yell. Everybody's in the shop's now looking at him. Naruto stays frozen into place, feeling droplets of sweat gliding along his hairline, forming at the small of his back. Anko's dangerously soft _Oh_? winds around him like a snake. Kakashi's going to kill him. If the whole village doesn't burn him first. He's slowly going down a spiral of more and more depressing thoughts, considering becoming a rogue-nin and hiding forever into the forbidden forest when footsteps halt in front of the shop (very, very recognizable footsteps) and the norens move once again. 

"Yo, everyone. What's the fuss all about?"

In any other situation, Naruto's stomach would've done a happy little flip at seeing his ex-sensei. Now the blond just wants to throw up his dango, kinda like when Sakura punches him.

_Now would be a good time to show me a really cool jutsu, Kurama, like oh, you know, turning back time!_

_Sorry kiddo, this is way too entertaining_.

Naruto's still drowning into the abyss of dread, five pairs of eyes now glued to the silver-haired man when Sai's agreable voice drifts to the surface of Naruto’s panicking mind.

"Kiba wants to know why Naruto's butt smells like you, Kakashi-sensei. Honestly, I'm a bit curious too."

A crow flies over the shop, its croak sounding vaguely like an insult.

Kakashi-sensei blinks rapidly, mouth opening in surprise behind the mask. Naruto can hear the blood rushing to his ears, sees dark dots dancing before his eyes. The shop's utterly silent.

Then Kakashi breaks the spell. He walks leisurely to the table, hands in his pockets, usual slouch back into place. Naruto's heart skips a beat when the jounin walks behind him, but he drops into the empty seat beside Naruto.

Naruto looks down at the jounin as he crosses his ankles under the table. Then Kakashi closes his eyes, sighs.

"Well, that was quick. But I concur. Naruto did shower."

The shop erupts into indescribable chaos.

In the back of his mind, Naruto falls back against a giant paw.

_Way too entertaining_


	9. Toi, c’est pour le soleil que tu cours (You are running for the sun)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm always breathing with you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter, y'all!  
> I can't tell you enough how grateful I am for all the kind comments and kuddos! Thank you so much ❤❤❤❤  
> I would also like to profess my unconditional love for Milestogo56 (Pink_boxers_rainbow), I really couldn't have gone through with this fic without her. She's just awesome.

"You could've told me!" 

Kakashi winces as soon as his feet hit the floor, sensitive ears ringing due to the ongoing vocal assaults. The blond could’ve at least waited until the smoke from the jutsu had cleared.

"Told you what?"

Kakashi can tell that Naruto wants to punch him in the face. Really badly.

"You could've told me my-!" Naruto takes in the quiet training fields, tries to school his features into less panicking, just in case. He finishes through tight lips. " - that my butt of all places has a Kakashi print on it. And that you’re ok with it! I showered damn it, I scrubbed really hard! "

Kakashi’s lip twitches. He’s not sure if Naruto’s most upset about the fact that the jounin’s let him go with his scent all over him or because the blond failed to remove said scent with the shower. Naruto’s still holding Kakashi’s wrist in a deathly grip. The silver-haired man uses the opportunity to pull Naruto to the nearest tree and to lean against it. He turns his wrist adroitly into a sweaty palm, laces their fingers together when Naruto finally relaxes.

‘’I’m sorry. I guess we need to talk.’’

‘’Yes, _please_.’’

Kakashi runs his thumb nervously along Naruto’s wrist, a bit alarmed at the gusto behind his words. Maybe it’s worse than he thought. Maybe they’ve been apart for too long and he doesn’t know the blond as well as he used to. Maybe Naruto thinks more under the surface these days. A war can change a few things. But then again, Naruto’s been at war against himself for most of his life.

Maybe Naruto’s changed.

Kakashi’s thumb halts.

Maybe he’s just _grown_. 

Kakashi’s brought back to reality with a start when there’s a tug on his arm. He’s dragged to the ground as Naruto slumps down with a frown.

Kakashi waits for the blond to start, heartbeat increasing against his will. 

So much for an ex-ANBU captain, Kakashi thinks with a wry smile. 

The blond fidgets a bit, playing with the bandages of his prosthetic arm until the ones covering the last finger become slightly lax. Kakashi makes a mental note to buy more bandages. Then, Naruto shifts his gaze to the jounin, who receives it like a ship that rolls under a wave in the middle of the ocean. 

‘’I’ve just been wondering, you know?’’ Naruto begins, oblivious to the effect he has on the silver-haired man. ‘’Since we went to your house. Since we, hum, spent the night together." Naruto is speaking softly this time, bandages becoming a bit more chafted. "I’ve been wondering if we’re, what do people say, on the same page?’’

Kakashi eyes the blond carefully. On what page are they supposed to be? Had Kakashi’s intentions not been clear enough? Did Naruto think that spending the night together meant nothing to Kakashi? That he’s the type to sleep with his ex-students just for the sake of it? 

‘’I told you I bought a bigger bed. I told Pakkun I bought a bigger bed.’’

Naruto looks at him with such fond exasperation, nervousness suddenly gone, that for a fleeting moment Kakashi is met with warm brown eyes and purple painted cheeks. 

The jinchuriki laughs briefly, body losing all of its tension. 

‘’What does that mean? For us? For our relationship? That’s the only thing you told me after I asked you if you were tired of running away from us. I know a bit about the meaning behind flowers, because Ino kept blabbering about it, but I don’t know the code for furniture shopping, you know?’’

Kakashi has a strange feeling, like he’s the inapt one and Naruto’s leading him by the hand. Like he’s a teen, all over again, where relationships are made safe and clear only by the ranking of shinobi.

Naruto stares at him silently, eyes full of questions. He tilts his head to the side, the metallic plate of his hitai ate catching the sun. Kakashi’s heart gives a thud when the face full of kindness and calm confidence of his sensei smiles down at him.

Naruto clears his throat and Kakashi’s world collapses once again to be replaced and filled by a familiar voice. Kakashi clings to it, left eye closing unconsciously. 

Naruto speaks again.

‘’I know what I want. I mean, I've had a lot of time to think about this, you know? Us. What kind of us we could be. I’ve made myself very clear for a long time now, but… You’ve never told me what you want.’’ 

Naruto places a firm hand on the jounin’s knee, fingers digging into the dark blue fabric. 

‘’What do you want, Kakashi?’’

And Naruto’s hair bleeds into a darker shade, much darker than his usual gold. His eyes are framed by goggles and there's an improbable story on his lips. 

_What do you want Kakashi?_

Kakashi’s scarred eye opens as his own chakra surges under Naruto’s touch, chirping like birds being called to the sky. 

‘’You.’’ 

It’s calm. It’s quiet. Kakashi knows it’s not enough. 

‘’I want to be with you. I want to be with you in every possible way." 

The hand on Kakashi’s knee trembles. 

"I want you to belong to me as much as I belong to you. And I want everyone to know it." 

Kakashi lets the blue gaze wash over him in all of its powerful and raw emotion. He lets it ease the strain of thousands of miles in his muscles, erase all the worn-out _Cold-hearted_ s and _Friend-killer Kakashi_ s carved into his bones. He opens up for the blue gaze, bares his heart fully and unconditionally. 

"I want you to be proud,’’ he begins, voice deeper than usual, throat aching with a need for Naruto to _understand_. ‘’Proud of me, proud of yourself. I want… I want to bring you ramen when you study for the jounin exam. I want to remove your flak jacket at night and sit by the fire with you and the pack. I want to describe to you how the first autumn leaf smells like for me, show you the compounds under the first snow. I want to help you shoulder the burden of the village, when the hat becomes too heavy. I want to drag you out of the Hokage tower late at night and take you home to bed. I want to come back from missions knowing that you'll be the first person I'll see. I'm selfish. I want…’’

‘’ _Everything_ ,’’ Naruto breathes.

Kakashi smiles. Yes.

‘’I want to be your first and your last. I want you to have me. All of me. For as long as you will. I want everything.’’

The earth is warm underneath Kakashi. Naruto's smile is blinding. 

***

Sasuke’s chakra signature reaches them with the drumming rumor of the village. "As much as I would like to hear more, you've been summoned by the Hokage. The both of you.’’

Kakashi stifles a groan. Word sure travels fast. The jounin looks longingly at Naruto. He'd love to push the jinchuriki to the grass and cover his body like a hovering cloud in the sky. He'd watch the shadows play over his lover's face until the world became shadows, until _they_ became shadows, moving bodies like roving currents between rocks and trees.

Naruto swiftly brings Kakashi’s hand to his lips, gaze fierce and oh, so riveting.

‘’Just so you know, I’m not going back on any of this. I’m not going back on us.’’

Kakashi gets to his feet, feeling energy surging through him as if he’d just received Kurama’s chakra. He grips Naruto’s hand tightly, lips stretching into a wolfish grin.

‘’I’m not either.’’ 

Kakashi is grateful for Rin's graceful and supportive smile in the wind caressing his clothed cheek. He's grateful for Obito's brash laugh in each ray of the sun, for the unshakable faith of his sensei in the earth beneath his feet.

As they turn toward the buzzing village, Naruto looks ready to take on the world. 

"Let’s do this!"

And so does Kakashi.

***

Naruto’s still vibrating with unshakable resolve as they make their way through the village, Sasuke trailing silently behind them like a covering crow. Trust Naruto to do the right thing, the _brave_ thing, to walk firmly through the streets alive with agitation instead of leaping furtively from roof to roof. 

Kakashi takes great joy in walking close to the jinchuriki, in seeing Naruto lit under the fox's chakra as the crowd grows bigger and boisterous, in feeling the chakra extending to him and stirring his own. Kakashi can almost see the fox, nine tails spread out like fiery flags, a low growl vibrating against his lower ribs. Kakashi lets a crackle of electricity mix with the red cloak, and the crowd falls silent. Kakashi can't help but smile as Kiba's over exuberant "Way to go, Naruto! Kakashi-sensei!" bursts out just a few shurikens throws on their left. Naruto breaks his stride as loud cheerings rise in answer from the previously stunned crowd. Kakashi pushes him forward gently, a hand at the small of his back, chakras mixing together and blazing gently. Kakashi discerns a few shinobi smiling painfully and bowing their heads in remembrance. 

As they near the tower, the jounin catches Sasuke’s dark eye. He falls back to walk with him as the young man stares at Naruto’s back, Kurama's chakra fading once they are inside. 

Kakashi faintly hears Naruto murmuring "show off", but it's fond and there's a spring in his steps as the blond tackles the stairs two by two. The Uchiha halts as the door of the Hokage’s office comes into view. Kakashi puts his hands in his pockets, turns to his ex-student. 

‘’I’m listening.’’

The wrappings around the handle of Sasuke’s sword are an immaculate white.

‘’I’ve known about Naruto’s feelings for a long time now, maybe before he was even aware of them.’’

Kakashi stands still, ears half-trained on the approaching steps of a group of chuunins. 

Sasuke waits for the whispering men to pass, not acknowledging them in the least.

‘’He’s the one who saved me. He’s the one who embraced my darkness wholeheartedly. And brought me back from it. If you hurt him…’’

Kakashi breathes again, an unexpectedly ferocious joy howling in his heart at the threat. ‘’Of course.’’ The jounin takes a step toward Naruto, who’s waiting in uncharacteristic silence. ‘’Just take a number and get in line,’’ the silver-haired man adds with a kunai-sharp chuckle.

Sasuke looks to the side and for a second, he seems just like his old petulant self.

‘’Actually, I’d prefer to be by your side, if you don’t mind.’’

Grey eyes meet black ones. Clumsily or not, this is still Sasuke trying to apologize for all the hell he's put him through. This is Sasuke promising he'll always have Naruto's back, and his by ricochet. The jounin has a brief thought for Itachi before throwing an arm around the younger Uchiha’s shoulders. Sasuke tenses first as his amputated side presses against his ex-sensei’s, but then accepts the gesture with a resigned, lopsided smile. 

‘’Brat,’’ Kakashi murmurs affectionately. 

Naruto’s grinning openly, unabashed. 

The jinchuriki waits for Kakashi to stand next to him before exchanging a nod with the ANBUs guarding the door.

‘’Ready? It’s only Baa-chan, you know?’’

Naruto opens his palm so that Kakashi can slide his own against it. Kakashi thinks about Iruka being lowered into the ground, about a cold hand seeking his own. The jounin’s fingers drift into a familiar dance, chasing lines etched so deeply into his mind they could’ve been captured by the Sharingan. 

‘’I don’t think Tsunade-sama would let me live for too long if I ever were to call her ‘Baa-chan’,’’ he murmurs as the echo of Kurama’s chakra tingles against his fingertips. "And just so you know-"

Naruto turns slightly toward him, radiant and luminous despite the absence of the fox's chakra.

"- I'm always breathing with you."

There's something brighter and bigger than anything Kakashi's ever known settling in the back of Naruto's eyes. For a moment, it's just the two of them, back in that cave, suspended in time and breathing in…

_One, two, three, four, five._

… and out.

Naruto's gaze is saying something Kakashi's known for a while.

The jinchuriki traps Kakashi’s hand in his, warm and solid and not grieving at all. Naruto announces themselves with an unwavering voice and doesn’t wait for an answer before shoving the door open.

***

Tsunade is waiting for them with an unusual gleam in her eyes for that time of the day, cheeks ablaze from what Naruto can assume is not a fever. Kakashi looks at Shizune, who's clutching a suspicious bottle to her chest while Tonton's frowning at the Godaime. The jounin’s nose definitely picks up the clean and sweet aromas of sake. 

As expected of Tsunade Senju. She couldn't have been noticed more than an hour ago and she was already flirting with tipsy. 

Still, there's not a trace of slurring in the Hokage's booming voice as she rapidly marches toward them. 

"You! You two!"

Kakashi can feel Naruto tensing, lowering himself into a defending stance. Kakashi stretches his senses for the hidden ANBUs.

He sees Shikamaru standing behind the desk, smirking in his own way, arms crossed over his chest like he's won a particularly satisfying game of shougy. 

He sees Sakura by his side, her green eyes misty, her expression open and softened by a trembling smile filled with emotion.

Then Kakashi doesn't see anything else, because Tsunade is on them and the jounin suddenly has trouble breathing, face forcibly squished against ample breasts. Naruto is suffering the same fate if his muffled protests are anything to go by.

"You two…" 

Naruto freezes and falls silent. There's still no slurring, but Tsunade's voice is quavering. 

Kakashi's hair is getting wet. 

It takes a good fifteen minutes for Shizune to be able to pry the weeping Godaime from them and to lead her back to her chair. Tsunade accepts the cup from Sakura with a frown upon inspecting its content. She downs it in one gulp anyways. 

Naruto is looking mildly concerned. "Baa-chan…"

"You two are the first bet I've won that didn't actually cost me someone dear." 

The Hokage wipes angrily at fresh tears, before suddenly breaking into a frank smile.

"Congratulations, to the both of you."

Naruto relaxes visibly, but doesn’t release Kakashi’s hand. The jounin doesn’t mind.

‘’Hokage-sama - ‘’ 

Kakashi’s fears are confirmed with Tsunade’s next words.

"Leave the Council to me, Hatake. This doesn't concern them.’’

The jounin sighs. Naruto takes a step forward. 

"But why does it matter to them? I’m free to choose whoever I want."

Sakura walks up to him, bumps him on the head gently. Kakashi hums approvingly. Apparently, Sakura’s control on her temper gets better with time.

‘’Honestly, Naruto, if you’re going to be Hokage you’ll have to use your head more than that.’’

Before Naruto can give in to his anger, Shikamaru speaks up.

"You're the whole nation's hero, Naruto. Surely even you can see that everyone would expect you to marry a lady. If not from Konoha, then from another hidden village. Personally I’d say this is a powerful alliance. After all, we’re talking about the savior of the world and the Rokudaime.‘’

Naruto blinks, then looks at Kakashi.

‘’The Rokudaime?’’

The fifth Hokage laces her fingers under her chin, her whole demeanor back to being business-like.

‘’So, Kakashi. Have you made your decision yet?’’

Kakashi bows his head, lost in thoughts. Naruto's eyes keep jumping from Tsunade to his ex-sensei. 

"Huh? What decision?"

Kakashi's dark gaze flickers to the blond. 

Sasuke shifts closer to Sakura, sleeve brushing against her bare arm.

Then Kakashi nods.

"Give me six months. I'll take the hat in six months."

***

Naruto’s been spending a lot of time at Kakashi’s house. A lot. Kakashi doesn’t know the last time the blond has slept in his own bed, but the silver haired jounin is not complaining. Living with Naruto is disarmingly… simple. They go on missions. Sometimes together. Sometimes they don’t see each other for days. On those days, Kakashi doesn’t want to admit to himself that he’s looking at the sun more often than not, following its agonisingly slow ascent and decline with an aggravated, almost accusing contemplation. On those days, he’s turning _Icha Icha_ ’s pages without reading them and seeking out Gai’s challenges like a beggar starving for food. Gai’s not complaining. He also doesn’t waste a chance to shed tears of joy everytime he looks at Kakashi. 

Naruto likes to go swimming in the morning, even with the leaves starting to change. Sometimes, the ninken will go with him and help him catch fishes for breakfast. More often than not, Naruto will prop up his chin on Kakashi’s shoulder as the latter cleans and cuts vegetables, hair still dripping wet and a hinge of blue lingering on his lips. His feet will be leaving tiny sand castles everywhere. Kakashi won’t push him off. They’ll argue about the vegetables when Kakashi will refuse to put aside anything green. Naruto will insist they add carrots.

As Kakashi will chastise Naruto about the sand, the jinchuriki will smile his blinding smile, eyes creasing and whiskered cheeks stretching until Kakashi will turn around to kiss it off, tasting the river and a colder sun. Breakfast and sand won’t be so important anymore. Sometimes, Kakashi will grasp the wet locks and Naruto won’t resist, will even melt in the embrace, blue eyes so full of trust and content that Kakashi’s heart will swell until he’ll have the blond backed up against the couch.

The old house will creak under their feet and finally, finally Kakashi will push Naruto deep into the cushions, dark green becoming even darker under the blond’s damp head. Kakashi will mold his body to Naruto’s, swallowing the blond’s sighs and gasps, drowning into the feeling of _rightness_. Naruto’s brief laughs will burst out sporadically, like beams of sun in between clouds.

It’ll be like feeling so incredibly small and invincible at the same time, like being struck by lightning and being the light all at once. It’ll be like giving while taking and not knowing how to breathe without the beating of a heart that is not yours under your chest. 

There will be specks of sand falling in between the cushions of the couch and blood not knowing which way is up or down. 

It will be Kakashi not thinking about the past, about dark nights sleeping on the kitchen floor and scrubbing his hands raw. It will be Kakashi not being afraid of walking in that room at the end of the house anymore.

Instead, it will be Naruto staring at Kakashi with glistening eyes, pressing up with a frightening accuracy against all the little spots that will make the jounin ache for him and lose his mind a little bit more. 

And then Naruto’s breath will hitch and it won’t be gentle at all. 

***

Kurama stretches, midday sun setting his red fur on fire. 

‘’It does feel nice to be out. Haven’t been getting that much air lately.’’

Naruto yawns loudly, then scratches the back of his head sheepishly. ‘’Sorry.’’

Kurama lifts his head to feel the breeze, then curls with delectation in the grass.

‘’Still, all you do is sleep anyways,’’ Naruto snorts before walking to the fox, flies buzzing lazily around his head.

Kurama slits one eye open, lips stretching over fangs in that peculiar grin of him.

‘’Look who’s talking,’’ he retorts, his rumbling laugh making the earth tremble beneath Naruto’s feet.

But the fox unfolds his tails to allow his human to snuggle up against his flank before curling them around the jinchuriki once more. Kurama scans the area one last time before hiding his snout under the lush leaves of a large tree, whiskers twitching with satisfaction.

One last shudder of the earth.

"Are you sure you don't want to be celebrating with your friends right now?"

Naruto lets his chin fall on his chest, lets sleep take him with a smile on his face.

"I'm with a friend, am I not?"

***

It’s Kakashi that finds them a while later, when the sun is still high and the sky a mesmerizing blue. The demon fox slowly lifts his head. 

‘’Yo,’’ Kakashi says softly, careful not to wake Naruto up. 

Kurama unfolds his tails one by one, revealing the tall frame of the sleeping jinchuriki.

Kakashi looks at the man he’s been sharing the last years with, from his tousled blond bangs hiding most of his face to his square jaw, to the flack jounin vest riding up to reveal the tan line of a hip. 

Kakashi must’ve been lost in his thoughts, because a poke from Kurama’s claw brings him back to the present.

"What’s on your mind, Rokudaime kit?"

Kakashi bends down to brush off a ladybug from Naruto’s long blue sleeve, then puts one knee on the ground. 

‘’Mmm." 

"Nothing too sexual, I hope? I was really looking forward to having a day off, what with all the preparations surrounding the ceremony," Kurama states with a wicked grin.

Kakashi chuckles, then clears his throat. He’s learned to appreciate Kurama’s weird sense of humour over the years. The silver-haired man’s focus shifts back to Naruto.

"Even though we’ve been together all those years and I see him becoming what he's always aspired to, my biggest wish is still for him not to have any regrets.’’

The fox stares at him for a long time, before shrugging. 

‘’I still stand by my point.’’

Kakashi frowns at the fox. Kurama rolls his eyes, then leans his chin against his paw, appearingly disinterested, gazing in the distance.

"I'm still rooting for you."

_Kakashi lets his head hang low, brings the hand to his forehead, tasting shame and want and feeling like the choice was never his to begin with._

_Then the forest goes silent, the light of the moon eclipsed by the fire of the fox._

_Kakashi tightens his hold on Naruto’s hand._

_‘’Anything you want to say, Kurama?’’_

_The bijuu’s breath washes over him and Kakashi smells power._

_‘’Anything you want to say, kit?’’_

_Kakashi stares at the floor, the brown of the wood a blazing red under the light of the fox._

_‘’Are you here to rip my body to shreds?" Kakashi asks, only half-joking._

_He would let him._

_Kurama scoffs and Kakashi's hair lies flat on his head for a moment._

_‘’You probably don’t know anything about the internal conflict the kid’s been having over you. It would be nice to have a bit of peace down here for a change.’’_

_Kakashi's too distracted by his own torturing thoughts for being impressed by the fox having a sense of humour._

_‘’Also. I am rooting for you.’’_

_Kakashi lifts his head abruptly to stare at Kurama, eyes widening exponentially._

_The nine-tails is grinning at him, expression too much like his human vessel's. For the first time, the jounin sees a startling resemblance between the human and the beast._

_"The kid loves you. I think you might love him too."_

_Kakashi feels sweat breaking all over his face, heart dropping low in his stomach. The jounin laughs bitterly._

_"Well, aren't you the expert."_

_The house rattle under the fox’s indignant huff. Naruto mumbles in his sleep._

_"Hey, I've been around for a long time. I've picked up a thing or two. All I’m saying is I’ve watched you. I’m rooting for you...’’ ’_

_Kakashi closes his eyes until the red under his lids dissolves into the night._

Bright blue eyes and the same large, overly confident grin are now directed at Kakashi, who finds himself trapped between two strong legs. 

‘’You’ve let your guard down, Hokage-sama.’’

Kakashi hurriedly bites the cheeky smile off Naruto’s face, grabbing him by the sides of his flak jacket. He takes advantage of the blond’s indignant yelp to twist his own body around the jinchuriki’s and to push him face first against the ground. 

‘’You’re not the only one who can play dirty,’’ Kakashi whispers amiably, breath like a kiss on the shell of Naruto’s ear. 

He’s not surprised in the least when the body under him vanishes in a puff of smoke.

‘’I’d say.’’

Naruto is leaning against Kurama’s leg, arms crossed over his chest and long, golden hair dancing briskly in the wind. Kakashi doesn’t fail to notice the shiver running through the jinchuriki’s body as he collects the memory from his clone.

Kakashi smirks. ‘’Time to go, Nanadaime.’’ 

Naruto stretches his arms over his head, knowing Kakashi will picture his tall, naked form in front of their open bedroom doors, body glowing under the rising sun. ‘’I’m not the Nanadaime just yet. Time for a quick spar before we go?’’

Kurama roars a laugh and stands, claws digging into the dirt and tall as a mountain. 

‘’Come on, Kakashi brat!’’

Kakashi licks his lips, his chakra already rushing under his skin. The wind sings in his ears as he slams a hand to the earth and unleashes his hounds. Naruto is already sprinting toward him at full speed, eyes lava-red and body burning like the sun, Rasengan spinning in one hand. The ninken howl in unison before leaping off and Kurama bares his teeth.

Kakashi gathers chakra in one hand, purple lightning arising with a deafening crack as he takes off. 

The silver-haired man briefly wonders if they’ve always been like this, barreling toward each other without noticing it. 

Naruto locks eyes with him, and _smiles_.

Kakashi breathes in... 

Calculates the time before the impact.

_One, two, three, four, five._

… and out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it folks! I might come back to this fic with a little sequel, I'd really like to have Kakashi and Naruto as dads. We'll see!  
> Again, thanks for reading, hope you all have a beauuuutiful day, love you all ❤


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